Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML
Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML
Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat, and threw up on my checkout counter. FML
Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML
Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML
Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
"The power of Christ compels you bitch"
Meowingtons500 18
Look mommy! That man is giving free showers. Oh sweet Jesus! Honey, walk faster.
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Comments (95)
mhopper 13
Oh Jesus freaks. They make me laugh with their silly nonsense.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I had a bible thrown at my head once. I drew pictures and comments on every page, and threw it back the next day. Needless to say, that lady hates me.
Shadow_Phantom 26
Those kinds of people always make me laugh... and facepalm at the same time. It's sad, really. I hope this doesn't happen to you often, OP. FYL.
jayfreeman80 0
He's a visionary - hope you took his advice
sammy_mojo 7
These type of people usually haunt the same area, so at least you now know one more area to avoid!
HannahLouise96 13
"Praise the Lord, you shit!"
vicky_reoow 1
"Dear Lord, please protect me from shitheads. Amen."
rattusrattus 19
Did they specify the kind of 'evil shite'? There are lots of types: goat-botherers, wearers of polyester, people who like shellfish, people who yell bigoted crap over the internet, haters of kittens, loathers of puppies, me, people who genuinely enjoy Twilight... you gotta specify, otherwise you won't know what to repent for!
ImTheAlpha 30
And me, can't forget me.
TheBonzaiGirl 0
Yes, let us not forget attention seekers on the world wide web.
ImTheAlpha 30
Hey, I still have a cross shaped bruise from some woman throwing her cross necklace at me.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Oh crazies. I'm just hoping that was actually water. Probably not though given this is fml. Holy shower time?
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Maybe it was booze, in which case OP should repent for his sins with his mouth open.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
This seems less like a Bible-thumping Jesus freak and more like a straight up ******* loony.
greenishyellow 5
Tell him to jump off a church tower. Don't worry though, he'll be saved.