Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML
Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML
Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML
Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML
Today, while I was working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
kristir9426 0
that is awful! people are crazy.
Tikwichka 5
55, it is the British spelling. Surely 'God Save The Queen' gave you a hint OP is not American? You must know by now that British and American English have different spelling for many words, no?
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Comments (119)
kristir9426 0
that is awful! people are crazy.
oakleyguy 0
You sound like a cop just hope you had fun
ChubEchaser 0
sounds like a mall cop. he leads you to believe he is a cop by leaving out all the details, typical of a rent-a-cop.
MrsxBillxKaulitz 5
...horrible grammar.
cantfightfate 0
Dude **** the photo booth guys life. sure, you have to pull the guy out and arrest him ..or whatever, call a real cop. but at least you don't have to clean the shit up when it's all over.
MrFerret 0
pepper spray will take care of him
lm27 5
you spelled diarrhea wrong....just fyi
depressedgamer 0
learn to grammar.
Tikwichka 5
55, it is the British spelling. Surely 'God Save The Queen' gave you a hint OP is not American? You must know by now that British and American English have different spelling for many words, no?
lilerin 2
Mall cop or real cop, it's still his job to remove a man who is shit faced, and ******** in a photo booth, while shouting "God Save the Queen". **** his life.
illegalnative 0
dear grammar nazi's, there is no point in telling someone they misspelled a word, if they truly cared they would have fixed it....kay thanks bye -enjoy shoving people in ovens :l-
eternalsunlight 5
Wasn't the guy wearing any pants??
aaaahh 0
cool story.
thejacl 0
could have used a vampire...
rougecatterpilla 0
lol save her save the queen
TaylorTotsYumm 10
That's some crazy shit, mate.
zafeer 0
yo
crayyonz 0
it's bot shit it's melted poop
MAGNAVOX 0
You have a shitty job.
jordyn_93 0
haha apperently it's literaly shitty.
guidettebby 0
lmao. every time I look at a post I always laugh at your comments.
pimplayer 0
LOL funny shit
Gabi2507 2
lmao oh man.. i feel bad but it's too much of a funny scene that ive created in my head to not laugh out loud
missrawrzy 0
haha ur comment nd profile pic r both wins!
RedPillSucks 33
Returning home to a nice warm snugly is doing something about it. You could always sing the "God save the queen" song (What is the title of the UK anthem? I know it has the same music as the US anthem).
ElMundio87 0
*assplodes*
xFaust_fml 12
I wish I could say something funny right now, but it just... holy molly...
DocBastard 40
Red...you just made me sad. "God Save the Queen" is the British national anthem. The music was shamelessly "borrowed" by the US for "Our Country 'Tis of Thee." The music for the US national anthem was originally a British drinking song called The Anacreontic Song which was also, ahem, borrowed.
HamsteronA 0
Americans stole my drinking song :(
SAMHAlN 0
why am I thinking of the sex pistols now
cantfightfate 0
25 get used to it. that's how we do. Isn't that how we became America in the first place? :)
tbwrb 0
That's funny I was just thinking what the american national anthem was, I thought it was star spangled banner.
llppjhddt 0
americans are proud to be thieves, u cn shuv it.
MissErikaHart 0
United States of America - The Greatest Goddamn Cuntry In The World
omgYoUbasTards 0
87 win!!! americas awesome! I've never felt such patriotism.
MissErikaHart 0
country* I'm only correcting it cuz it looks derogatory
MissErikaHart 0
Country** only correcting it cuz it looks derogatory
warfare32 9
That's the name we give it.... But the tune comes from elsewhere =P
xX5CHLUPPYK3GSXx 10
It's just called "God save the Queen" and it is not the same as the US national anthem in any way.
UnicornsDoExist 0
That's ******* sick.
underpaid011 0
that is awesome. not for you, but if I were witnessing that I would find it funny. you guys across the Atlantic have THE BEST drunks!!
mario75 0
TAZER