Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
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Top comments
nelds 12
Haha your dad sounds funny.
roseXthorns 8
Hopefully she didn't impale you with razor sharp claws.
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Comments (100)
nelds 12
Haha your dad sounds funny.
trollfaced 2
Cats need to have fun too, op! It's not all about you, that's not right!
Trisha_aus 15
Laser kitty..purr purr purr
blackheart24 10
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... Happy kitty, sleep kitty, purr purr purr.
blondebrunette11 4
So original..
IdaE 17
72- Yes, it was.
tjv3 10
That is funny right there
nickownes1 3
BIG BANG THEORY FOR LIFE!!
roseXthorns 8
Hopefully she didn't impale you with razor sharp claws.
Il_Maestro 6
How else is it gonna get the mysterious fleeing dot?
SecretMe00 5
I'm assuming since the cat was inside that they had him/her declawed. Let's hope, for OP's sake, that they did.
taco_bender 12
It wouldnt be much of a FML if the cat was declawed.
MerrikBarbarian 9
10- never own a pet. Seriously. I hope someone comes along and chops off the first bone in each of your fingers if you think declawing is a good thing. Most indoor cats are not declawed. Just those who have morons who don't know how to train a pet and probably shouldn't have one in the first place.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Unfortunately in America, it's considered perfectly normal and even encouraged to have cats declawed. People have given me shit before for not having done so for my 13 year old cat. Apparently furniture is more important than a living creature you chose to take into your home. Go ******* figure.
mizuki123 8
I have two in door cats that have their claws. They don't scratch the furniture because we have a scratching post. Just because their indoor doesn't mean they are declawed.
zuzupetalsYO 11
Declawing is not considered perfectly normal in America. Only if you are an animal abuser and refuse to learn how to train your cats. I have two and the only thing they claw is their scratching post, and sometimes each other.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Not where I live. I don't know anyone besides myself whose cats are not declawed. The owners consider it as abusive as having them neutered. Maybe I just know a bunch of terrible *****.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
If the cat was declawed, that would be too adorible for an FML. Cat paws are soft! But be warned, they still have those sharp ******* teeth.
BeMyLove15 10
That was great teamwork(: I'm guessing you aren't easily awakened if he has to go to those measures.
Il_Maestro 6
I'm assuming OP wakes up just fine and that perhaps the laser/cat combo was more for entertainment value than practicality.
BeMyLove15 10
That's also a possibility. Maybe a little bit of both.
borkchop1992 15
Silly cats theyll never learn
Pentium_4 27
Entertainment for us!!!
yunilee7 4
Lol reminds me of my cat, he loves laser pointers.
Trix_Disorder 20
And every cat ever. I would know, I'm a cat.
Meowingtons500 18
My cat is lazy, she doesn't like laser pointers. Instead she spends her days eating cucumber & cottage cheese. And occasionally snatching a peanut butter sammich. Yep, she's an odd one. But I love her to bits.
yunilee7 4
Haha, my other cat is lazy too, she runs after the laser pointer but after about 5 laps she stops and lays down. :p
Meowingtons500 18
WI have two. A psycho hyper one and a chill pear shaped calico. They're sisters, named Miss FancyPants and Miss Marbles. Shh... Don't judge, I named them when I was a wee gaffer.
yunilee7 4
Haha it's okay, my cats have strange names too. The older one is Oink and the younger one is Quack. :)
phatdaddy62 23
Cub
SkoomaKi 28
It's either the cat or a cold bucket of water.
yahoowizard 16
Creativity points with the laser pointer for sure
AbbyAbyss 5
I'd rather have the bucket of water thrown on me than a cat pouncing on my face. But that might just be me.
Il_Maestro 6
I felt slow cause it took me a minute to get the point. Unfortunately the same could not be said for your cat.
KnightAngela1109 10
Get him back by pointing the laser at his junk :)
igive 29
in the early morning too
p_syko 5
I'm sorry, but the words dad and junk should not be in the same sentence.
flockz 20
"Today, i had a wonderful time with my dad when we moved some old junk out of the basement and found some of my antique baseball cards."
ScarNuts 8
Now that is a great sentence.. But your profile picture is shit.
l23VIVE 17
Puns haha
amak1228 3
Ouch! Hope you're ok!
ICastillo 25
OP wait until your dad is in the shower and sneak in and throw the cat in there with him, now that's a good payback.
Il_Maestro 6
I tried that once except instead of my pet cat I used my pet toaster. The firemen were really nice. The police were not.
GhettoMuzick 0
You sound like your psycho.
ICastillo 25
Shh 31 maybe if we don't talk or move he'll go away....
ICastillo 25
Ponies I'm not to sure.
42istheanswer 27
It was a FML from awhile ago, (the cat, not the toaster :p). If you wanna get him back wake HIM up, my personal favorites are with water, lasers, and wearing a mask while starting a chainsaw (always funny).
theannak 7
O_o I like your thinking
AssassinsCRB 0
Poor cat...