Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML
Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML
Today, I was driving my best friend home when he admitted to being gay. I was glad he could trust me with a secret like this. Until he admitted to having sex with my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
Aldrasio 0
Sounds like he was trying for a pity ****.
rockandrollbf 0
Oh, that sucks. One of my ex-boyfriends 'confessed' the same thing to me, but it was about watching ****. Once. ._____.
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Comments (135)
Ladeeedah 0
He obviously trusts you, way to be sensitive about it.
littlefrog_fml 0
I'm with #19, he probably build up a lot of nerve to tell you.
Lilibell_fml 0
your life isnt f***d... don't add this things!
ZuRG_fml 7
@#8, #20, #23, ..., #69, #72: There's a difference between "jacking and being ashamed of it a'cos Jebus sez so" and an addiction. An addiction crosses into "I want to stop but I can't" and masturbating as a response to loneliness/etc, to the detriment of other parts of your life. See http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-a-Masturbation-Addiction , I looked at some other results on google but this was the first that wasn't a thinly-veiled "if you were in holy matrimony with a proper Christian baby cannon, you'd never need to sin."
dcapp 0
i agree with #4 don't be a dick about it. he has a problem and he's confiding in you and asking you to help him that is really rude that you are posting this on a website
yep_me_again 0
does he happen to be the hPuerto Rican singer who recently joined the half-mile club?
Occam 0
He's probably religious.
f_ckerdef_ck 0
lame
ludachrisZ 0
put out for him so he doesnt have to beat his meat soo much
stinebean 0
All these "put out so he doesnt do it anymore" is all crap, you don't just substitute an addiction. Besides, maybe it's a bigger problem if it interferes with his intimacy with a partner or if it starts to interfere with other parts of his life. I agree that it's normal for all guys to do, I know my longterm bf does and I don't care.. it's good for his sperm quality for when we actually want kids haha. For a new bf though, that would be crazy awkward to talk about!