Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML
Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML
Today, I was driving my best friend home when he admitted to being gay. I was glad he could trust me with a secret like this. Until he admitted to having sex with my boyfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Aldrasio 0
Sounds like he was trying for a pity ****.
rockandrollbf 0
Oh, that sucks. One of my ex-boyfriends 'confessed' the same thing to me, but it was about watching ****. Once. ._____.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (135)
pb_fml 0
FHS, not yours. He's trusting you, even if it's a new boyfriend. He's giving you a heads up.
wow_just_wow 0
well at least next time someone says hes having sex with some1 else youll know its his right hand
xsouldeath 2
GIVE HIM ACTION MUCH> mast= LONELY . Oh ya I forgot girls have 0 sex drive... .. No wonder u don't understand :D
xsouldeath 2
GIVE HIM ACTION MUCH> mast= LONELY . Oh ya I forgot girls have 0 sex drive... .. No wonder u don't understand :D SERIOUSLY OFFER TO JACK HIM OFF IS THE BEST IDEA. UNLESS UR A DOLL .. THAT HE PAMPERS AND SPEND all his cash on..just for you to let him suffer. You are torturing him with INACTION. be a GIRL. Or you might as well be his GIRL WHO IS A FRIEND instead of a girlfriend. Or say "YOU have my permission to get action from any girl" .. Or get him a hooker. If you're not going to please him yourself.
rampagexo 7
You, sir, are a ******* moron.
JFox 8
All the people who are saying the addiction will go away when you have sex with him have very little understanding of the word "addiction." People who are addicted to masturbation don't just ********** a lot. They have almost no control over the urge to ********** and will do it several times a day, sometimes in public restrooms because they just can't suppress the urge. This INTERFERES with regular sex, and often those with such an addiction cannot maintain or GET an erection during intercourse because they've already masturbated so much that day. They can't say "I'm going to have sex later, I should wait," "I'm in school, this is inappropriate," or "I'm chafed and barely even aroused," because they're ADDICTED to it. A smoker can't say "this is bad for my lungs, I won't smoke anymore." A drunk can't say "it's 11am, I won't drink." A crack head can't say "I just sucked another guy's dick for a drug that's killing me, this is wrong." It just doesn't work like that. There is a real problem here, and all you can do is post "eww gross" on the internet when the poor guy TRUSTED YOU. I have no sympathy for you. I don't care if it's a "new" boyfriend, the first step is admitting you have a problem, and when it comes to a sexual problem you're going to tell your significant other, because your parents may punish you and your friends may laugh at you.
aliibaibii 0
thank you!!! I had all that same stuff to say, but I would have been bitchy about it. you were waaaayyyyyy nicer than I would have been.
maiden_girl 5
Wow...
MixedNuts 0
Thats Awkward
wow_fmylife 0
agree 100% with #87!!!!
Blackwest69 0
lol
humpty_dumpty_fml 0
I think that he might be a child molester.