Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
pat2rome 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
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Comments (192)
geemister 0
she should have swallowed or taken the dress off before. Get rid of her cause she hit you in the balls.
ohnoyouDINT 0
You: Mouth-breathing man-child who allows himself to be controlled with sexual favors as leverage. Her: Abusive cuntwad with shitty ******* skills. F both your L's....you were made for each other.
Crazyseth 0
nice but that sucks why would she give u one in the dress she's going out in so that's her fault
lolatflyingducks 0
#236 owns.
loserface1994 0
see thats why she needs to learn to swallow. keep it clean.
ABbaby 10
she's giving u a BJ....wtf did she think would happen? y was it AWAY from her mouth? lol FYL though for the punch in the nuts
xHannahxSuicidex 0
bitch should have swollowed then this problem would have never happened
dvs01 0
Domestic violence sucks. Dump her ass.
BLiNdZoRz 3
People who are saying stuff like "AIM" are girls. Cumming is different from urination, it can shoot everywhere at a time. Even if you use your hand. It never lands where you want it too.
torrent_fml 5
at least ur gf gave u one. my gf even can't give a nice one
99MDC 0
Wait until she's asleep and put a cattleprod to her clit.