Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
pat2rome 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
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Comments (192)
Bryan_Z 0
............I can't believe she hit you....
mexicansweetie48 0
lol ouch. fyl. her fault. not urs. dont worry.
lilcuti3pi389 0
that sucksss, def her fault.. she shouldve swallowed lol you should aim better tho
strawberry_78 0
Not your fault. She should have changed first or swallowed (I'm a girl, for the record)
imbored932 4
aim for the eyes next time. and part of the bribe should have included swallowing
NoahMPLS 0
Always swallow, never spit...spitting is a waste :)
Diligent17 4
Wow, she shoulda remember the consequences before had. You don't wear good clothes when you know your gonna get dirty. There is something called "Change your clothes!"
Daaniellee1234 8
Well is was kinda your fault.
withered 30
#37 Exactly. Not only does this idiot need a bribe to behave decently he was such a prick he came on her dress. He could have easily used some tissues or even a condom to finish. But no, he decided to be a ********. I really wonder how desperate some people are that they end up in a relationship with someone like OP.
Ever69 3
Wow it was her own fault she shouldn't have had her dress on. If I were you I would be the biggest dick to her parents. Tell here to learn how to swallow then her dress would have been just fine.
darkest_white 0
she has to tell you to be "good" LOL, wow