Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML
Today, and once a week for the past three weeks, I had to tell some house guests to stop flushing things like Q-tips and tampons down my apartment's toilet. My preteen siblings? No, my 45-year-old mom and her similarly-aged boyfriend. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML
Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML
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Top comments
squizzlebee 19
That's disgusting.
NYM88 26
If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.
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Comments (109)
squizzlebee 19
That's disgusting.
cheeeksss 29
What if there are zero pees and two poos?
Lanker 17
My family does this too... yeah, it's not fun.
xx000o 27
I'll take that any day over the three poo one pee minimum.
kayayye 22
wtf
slingerslasher 24
It's a water saving issue. OPs location is Nevada and their water situation isn't exactly rosy out there in the desert. Although this is gross, not flushing the toilet after every use (to save water) isn't unheard of either.
xXDemonWolfXx 13
I lived in Nevada for most of my life having moved like 6 months ago after graduating. It is not even an issue.
Tomato_Cheese 22
Back in those days...
tj1540 16
Sounds shity
xChaos 29
Do you feel good about yourself?
Azurexorcist 11
At least spell your pun correctly
Skycop_S 23
Leave.
__mais_x 11
go on son, nice pun
marcelmg 10
If you do the 3 pee's after the poo you could even save more water!
XxDanno316xX 27
Found the op's grandma. .
NYM88 26
If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.
cheeeksss 29
Definitely read that in Stewart's voice. Thank you, it made me smile.
guii_fml 24
So you pee three times and on the fourth time you flush and one shit so the second shit you flush? Either way thats disgusting
doodlecloud 27
No...you have up to 3 wees, and up to 1 poo before you have to flush. 3 pees, 1 poo is the maximum. I probably wouldn't want to leave it that long myself but I don't think trying not to flush unless you need to is really that uncommon. Lots of people want to save water.
bandaidstations 28
We have a well on our property that will go dry if we use too much water. When we don't have much rain we have to limit the amount of flushing we do. It's still gross though.
JayGatsby 25
#14, I don't think that's the maximum, because in the FML it states it's a 3 pee 1 poo minimum.
Airbell12 11
Oh god. I wonder how long that toilet can go. 7 pees 2 poos?
cheshireau 26
Imagine the smell after 3 pee's though.
DesolateTree 12
It shouldn't smell unless you're dehydrated.
ImTheAlpha 30
Any urine if let to sit gets stinky.
BlobfishUnite 14
Remind her it's almost 2016.
Zebediabolical 45
Remind her it's almost 2016 and we as a species shouldn't be wasting a gallon of water everytime someone needs to pee.
allforfun 23
And I'll remind you that hygiene is important. There's a reason you've never had diseases like cholera and typhoid fever
barfinghamster 9
sounds shitty
MrGibbs25 20
no, no more
Skycop_S 23
No.