Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML
Today, and once a week for the past three weeks, I had to tell some house guests to stop flushing things like Q-tips and tampons down my apartment's toilet. My preteen siblings? No, my 45-year-old mom and her similarly-aged boyfriend. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML
Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML
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Top comments
squizzlebee 19
That's disgusting.
NYM88 26
If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.
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Comments (109)
ViviMage 40
My roommate has no concept of other people using the only restroom, due to a mental illness. I flush regardless because I sit to pee. I am female, and he has herpes that can live in stool. No ******* thanks to mello yellow. You use your own private bath and make up its own rules. If it's the only bathroom, flush before and after you go like I do if there's something in it. We live in a society with running water.
eviloution 2
If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down
Avashantu 18
Flush it anyway when you're done. What's she gonna do? Barge in to make sure you don't??
Bekll 31
My roommate has the same rule. Our water bill has actually decreased a lot and she still insists we now switch to flushing only when we go number 2. I have Crohn's; I'm flushing every time!
dragoongirl90 34
And people are surprised the back plague is back.
TheNerdExpress 12
My family also has that rule ._.
ohSNAPyall 27
How can you tell if it's 2 pee or 3 pee? Gonna take a survey before going to the bathroom?
chromatic752 12
That is disgusting.
HighlandShadows 48
Just thinking of what the smell must be like made me gag. FYL.
olillia 16
I'm just imagining your house smelling absolutely vile