Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML
Today, and once a week for the past three weeks, I had to tell some house guests to stop flushing things like Q-tips and tampons down my apartment's toilet. My preteen siblings? No, my 45-year-old mom and her similarly-aged boyfriend. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML
Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML
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Top comments
squizzlebee 19
That's disgusting.
NYM88 26
If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.
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Comments (109)
ronnixoxo 18
what if the poo comes first & you have to wait all day for the three pees ? time to bunk with a buddy for a while.
AlwaysLuvMorgan 5
Water splashes ..
lukeDAduke157 11
'Environmentalists'
JamesILoveFML 11
Ugh. Makes me cringe. A few pees in one thing.
BrotherPhil 35
That rule has been around for a while, though granny could have been nicer about it. Not a bad idea, particularly in places like Nevada.
themostunlucky_fml 14
This is a repost
Taurus_ChicKa 37
And who exactly is stopping you from flushing the toilet? Your grandma is crazy. What's she going to do if someone flushes right after using the toilet? Ugh! That is so gross! And I can only imagine the smell.
LusciousLashes 4
What if you're on your period..? Leave red pee or....
JKPwnage 27
Flush it anyway. That's ducking nasty.
tbangazak3 7
That's seriously disgusting smh