Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML
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Top comments
svalaedgren 18
Perhaps you should talk to her about how absolute gross that is. Toilet time is private time
darwinism 30
Your grandma thinks you are so full of shit you would clog her pipes?
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Comments (69)
svalaedgren 18
Perhaps you should talk to her about how absolute gross that is. Toilet time is private time
xoamy906 25
What happens if they're too big for her preference? Edit: I didn't see #9 till after I posted this. But still.
chronickX 11
But is your toilet okay?
TourettesGuyFTW 26
^But is your comment ok? (No).
iLike2Teabag 27
It should be. That's some real thorough inspection.
moodyreallyrocks 27
Why don't you guys get a plumber..
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Because the plumber is too busy trying to rescue a princess from a giant turtle-dragon, because he's high on 'shrooms.
KiddoKS 19
You just need to buy the "double impact" drain clogger. If you do, two hot plumbers come over to clear the drain for free. Don't you watch tv?!
Pwn17 25
This is a shitty si- *gets shot*.
flockz 20
*gets bleach and towels*
tj5810 21
*Starts the car, pops the trunk* Hurry, we don't have much time. :P
iLike2Teabag 27
Damn! Here comes the po po! There's no time! *pours gasoline* *strikes match and drops it*
utohspaghettios 10
woop woop... see the match lit and fire start... fires 4 shots... you dead
hellobobismyname 24
*shoots with tranquilizer (because murder is wrong, kids) and leaves body in lewd position for everyone to see. *surround myself with an impenetrable force field in case someone tried something.
iLike2Teabag 27
Please. The one time ain't never gon take me alive.
darwinism 30
Your grandma thinks you are so full of shit you would clog her pipes?
emilyjgraham 34
I have to admit, I was reading a little fast and thought it said that whenever OP talks crap at first...
flockz 20
"your logs are looking a little runny Timmy. i told you that you needed to eat your greens!"
maximus_prime 24
Ahhh the texture :-/
deepunder 17
Grandma:They're looked big today. Better throw'em at those trespassers! Op:but those are my friends! *action ensues LATER Grandma: want to play cards? Op:Not like I got friends to talk to...
Zimmington 21
His Grandma: "So you've been eating all of your corn. Good!"
LolFMLnot 10
If I were u I'd go to public washrooms more often
diabian 9
What would she do if they are actually big enough to clog up the pipes?! I hope no spoons are involved!
KiddoKS 19
Exactly what determines too big? Is it total volume or the sizes of individual pieces? Does density matter ( sinkers vs floaters)? I'm really curious about her formula :)
IHeartBlueJay 14
I was wondering the exact same thing
sleepwalker13 25
Poor OP, I'd be mortified