Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML
Today, and once a week for the past three weeks, I had to tell some house guests to stop flushing things like Q-tips and tampons down my apartment's toilet. My preteen siblings? No, my 45-year-old mom and her similarly-aged boyfriend. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML
Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML
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Top comments
squizzlebee 19
That's disgusting.
NYM88 26
If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.
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Comments (109)
clair_brodie 35
Though is seems gross (grosser if you live with roommates over family), my family had a similar rule but that was because we were on a septic tank and flushing too much would literally make our toilets not work.
militarybrat 21
Its the amount of toilet paper and tampons that more than likely did it. My mil had to have hers replaced because the step monsters used wads and wads of toilet paper.
Mike_Oxhard 14
Let me get this straight, if someone takes a deuce you have to urinate 3 times before flushing? Does vomit count towards the tally?
musdesimd 18
Who the hell is counting? Is grandma outside the door to find out who peed n who pooped?!
wonandonly 11
Sadly I can relate.. Can't do much about it until you move out, I guess...
zarrganaut 17
That would never work with my family. I love asparagus. (;
ko051598 20
Your bathroom must smell like shit
AssassinBall 12
**** your Grandma.
allforfun 23
Tell your grandma this isn't the Depression anymore
skycollapsed 5
if it's yellow let ot Mello, if it's brown flush it down.
shukstah007 5
If it's yellow, just be mellow. If it's brown, flush it down!