Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I went up to take a shower. I typically go to the bathroom first, I take a mega dump, then flush the toilet. Not only wouldn't the toilet flush but I found out my parents only keep one plunger on hand. It was in the downstairs bathroom. My dad came upstairs and plunged the toilet while I stood there naked. FML
Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
She knew why you needed it. It's not like that conversation was going to go, "Why do you need the plunger?" "Oh, I'm making a cake."
samwilliams800 28
That explains why she's full of shit.
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Comments (19)
samwilliams800 28
That explains why she's full of shit.
Glowworm56 27
Too bad the plunger can't take care of the shit coming from your mother-in-law.
Tripartita 45
She knew why you needed it. It's not like that conversation was going to go, "Why do you need the plunger?" "Oh, I'm making a cake."
species4872 20
She wants you to make jellybeans like a rabbit.
bigtwobah 6
Obviously, the poop/flush/poop/flush suggestion is silly. However, if someone repeatedly wanted to borrow a plunger from me, I would probably also get snarky. Buy your own plunger.
PhoenixChick 26
Do you normally keep your own plunger at every one of your friend and family's houses? Does everyone else do that too? Are they all labeled and lined up in a row for when their owner comes to visit?
bigtwobah 6
If I was in someone else's house I would say 'can i use' not 'can i borrow'
RichardPencil 32
That's some shitty advice...literally!
cacheson 42
I think she needs a new toilet. Hers obviously can't handle large loads like the younger generation....
DLBL 23
right, or get the main line snaked out. We snake our line every year due to tree roots.
tonyfan00 38
She doesn't give a shit, but you do give a shit...so is shit hitting the fan, or do you have to give two ***** to compensate for her lack of ********?
ammalik88 6
I did you deserve it to become 100th only ;)
ProperPengTing 15
Its to not let the smell linger. Flush it before its rancid, ????