Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML
Today, and once a week for the past three weeks, I had to tell some house guests to stop flushing things like Q-tips and tampons down my apartment's toilet. My preteen siblings? No, my 45-year-old mom and her similarly-aged boyfriend. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML
Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML
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Top comments
squizzlebee 19
That's disgusting.
NYM88 26
If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.
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Comments (109)
macen12345 4
Just flush pussy
Ging3rSnap 9
how do you keep track if it's the 2nd or 3rd pee? is there a tally board posted?
josh7279 7
You must live in California.
the_real_dvd 21
She lives in Nevada. Guess how I figured that out.
graceinsheepwear 34
On the mobile version, it doesn't list the exact location, so you must be on a computer to know that. We aren't all. All it shows on mobile is United States.
DoomedGemini 38
I guess it depends on the phone, I'm on my phone and I can see it.
wow2mylife 25
my family don't flush at night if we wake up and go because my mom is a light sleeper
bapbap_fml 15
To be honest, when I'm home alone I will pee in the toilet a few times before I flush it. There are so many people in the world who don't have access to clean water to drink, they would be appalled by how we think we need perfectly clean water just to pee in. I can kind of see where she's coming from, our society is pretty entitled and wasteful.
dafluckster 6
I liked the first sentence, you lost me after that.
PhoenixChick 26
There are so many people who only have access to water contaminated with sewage, they would be appalled to think that we have cheap, plentiful water and facilities to keep sewage out of our homes but we choose not to use it.
Pinwheel 10
Not flushing your toilet will not save a single person in Africa.
madscientist_17 15
I had a dream last night that I pooped so much that it filled the entire toilet. It got clogged. Don't let your grandma clog the toilet.
Mathalamus 25
Disobey your family and flush after every use.
Whatapuffchild 23
Well you're in a shitty situation.
heartofhannah 28
Please stop.
MoxleyCrue 17
Not really. My grandma always had the rule "when it's yellow leave it mellow; if it's brown flush it down."
speakfreely 21
But how will you know how many times people have peed in the toilet?