Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML
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Top comments
OwNowBrownCow 0
sham wow
TomasT 0
Not very dirty, though... just informative.
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Comments (170)
mrmaks18 7
only homophobic people don't use the word gay anyway op try saying something else and see what effect it has? experiment with lots of different words use a dictionary if u get stuck
scuba113 2
man that sucks maybe u should just not say anything during sex try that
brittheshit 0
same thing happens to me.
missgreenday 0
No, you just distracted yourself.
Daederoth 10
If you think "I'm going to cum" is dirty talk, you have no idea.
sloop_fml 0
I'm going to come? wow, how dirty
DJuan 0
77 is a complete WIN. laughed for ****** ever when I read that
dugumit 0
you can file yourself under "dead fish".
shutyerpiehole 0
Eden --- pple posting here blow up at strangers bc they're ASKING for it---Why else would anyone post their pathetic or ridiculous or disgusting life situations here? They want their 5 minutes. Personally, I am reallllly glad they do.
page4 0
re: 134 -- This website was started by a bunch of people who shared their silly, stupid and annoying daily life stories so they could laugh together and feel better. People who post FML's aren't "asking for it." They're sharing the laughter and putting their own problems in perspective in the process. People post a lot of unnecessarily rude comments, and they shouldn't. This site was supposed to be about having a good laugh, not about making people feel bad.
Phoenix84 0
OP, ive done it too, makes you feel like a retard : /