Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
OwNowBrownCow 0
sham wow
TomasT 0
Not very dirty, though... just informative.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (170)
kingghidorah 10
exactly what I was thinking
majick8ball 1
If that was "dirty" and killed your ****** its going to be a looooonnnnggg life.
JokeMeister 0
If that could turn your "nut" off, maybe you were mistaken.
tarheels32388 0
epic fail
pottie69 0
cum idiot not come
b1acksharpi3mark 0
No. The actual way to spell it is "come." Know what you're talking about before you call someone an idiot.
CoronaR0na 0
how the he'll do you get pregnant by watching ****? and wow ou guys are tight asses. oh that's rift but staying in the kitchen an making sandwiches is a valid joke how? whatever. she is a boob and there are videos that explain how to give a more pleasuring hand or ******* the **** thing was more of a joke as how they use dirty talk
megamandude455 10
wooooooooooooooowwwww
Life_Fucked 0
"...or not" :L
jferro18 0
Fu ****
hhhiii 0
you didn't even spell cum right. idiot.