Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML
Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML
Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML
Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
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Top comments
BShady96 0
well it does count as selfpleasuring...
missfml1105 0
ok but if it was your outer thigh she should have realized that your handwasnt in your crotch...
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Comments (112)
nobaconforyou 6
that bites.
agSWAAAAG 0
wow NOBODY saw that one coming! lololol great one!!
akmufasa 1
how did you get mosquito bites in pants? ,:o
barlessprison 16
Mosquitos bite you in the darnest places. I should know; I've had way too many bites on my neck that looked like hickeys.
slinkydee 2
Trust me, they can get you through clothing! we had a killer mosquito plague last year and they were huge and no matter how much repellant & coils we used it made little difference, so i decided to layer up despite it being in the middle of a heatwave. They still managed to attack me through a hoodie, trackies and gloves. theyre little assholes!
tnlander 20
Ever heard of shorts?
ribbyc80 0
this is when you look up with a greedy grin and ask for a hand!!
TheMonica 0
From their mom? Ick.
agSWAAAAG 0
13-repeat after me: **** is fake and things like that neverrr happen.
ribbyc80 0
HAHAHA
1215116a 14
Ask her for lotion for your needs and see what happens...
SandraGee 7
Why don't you show her the bites?
1215116a 14
Because they're near op's crotch?
Jacobt24 19
They are on the outside of her thighs. No one's crotch is there.
fadingaway 17
There isn't an e in mosquito.
mnohoe 9
No one gives a shit buddy. Take that E and shove it.
textwork 4
you shoulda masterbated then since she already thinks you did
ItWasAllWorthIt 0
I would cry if my mom even said the word ********** to me.
quinnjamin10 2
what the ****? Why?? its only a word... *mom walks in* "**********, **********, ********** heeheehee, LMFAO WHY YOU CRYING??" ... thats how it would go down.
Jaxx66 21
why? it's not a crime or something to be embarrassed about....
shelley13579 0
.... that's just sad
Acaprice14 9
she decided to rule out fingers and used spotted penises. now she wishes she would've masturbated without chlamydia ^_^
dvl2035 10
love ur pic
meagy 6
call me for some hot phone sex 0401318855
Krilleee 5
HAHA that's funny!