Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML
Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML
Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML
Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
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Top comments
BShady96 0
well it does count as selfpleasuring...
missfml1105 0
ok but if it was your outer thigh she should have realized that your handwasnt in your crotch...
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Comments (112)
Julery6 4
Umm I just heard the same FML two days ago. ._.
Martini94 0
That makes sense.. Because your ****** is on the back of your knee... Right?
BornToCheer 0
Were you masturbating? YES
KataraTheBender 0
YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO ITCH THEM. USE NEOSPORIN.
mallypoo 0
tell your mom to **** off and knock before she enters your room...what a bitch
XxchristinasmhxX 0
Would she rather scratch them for you?
myalleyway 9
scratching the outside of the thigh doesn't look like masturbation; just the inside.
princess4916 5
O.m.g. The EXACT same thing happened to me yesterday. My mom still doesn't believe me and won't even look me in the eye. I hate mosquitoes DX
Ayla_Abriel 1
I have to do that when I have jeans on too. It sucks :|
ToxicMoo33 18
Show her the bites? Lol