Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML
Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML
Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML
Today, at work, an old lady was staring at my crotch a lot. I looked down, thinking maybe I had an open fly. I didn't. FML
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, as I was walking out of a park, I bent to examine a mosquito bite I had. As I looked up, I noticed a nearby couple staring and whispering in abject horror before calling their kids over to get bug-sprayed, pointing me out. Terrified, they immediately complied. It’s not even my worst bite. FML
Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML
Today, I had to admit to an attractive coworker that it wasn't a hickey on my neck, but a mosquito bite instead. I then realized how alone I am. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
So, you let a mosquito suck your dick? You are a pervert! Mosquito life spans are way less than 18 years, so you're a pedo, too!
GoogieWithers 25
Why was she looking at your crotch? She's the pervert!
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Comments (11)
RichardPencil 32
So, you let a mosquito suck your dick? You are a pervert! Mosquito life spans are way less than 18 years, so you're a pedo, too!
EmDizzle2007 28
18 is legal... come on, you're better than this
mekiswrite 21
Considering the life span of a female mosquito it max 56 days and the lifespan of a Male is 10, definitely not legal.
mas12806 24
You don’t owe her an explanation
jahrule 3
lol wtf🤣🤣🤣
GoogieWithers 25
Why was she looking at your crotch? She's the pervert!
Sinshine 28
You don't have to explain anything to a random stranger. Should have told her to mind her own business instead of worrying about your crotch.
Wadlaen 24
Could you not just have shown her..?
Richard Luna 1
Mosquitoe bite in the crotch? Nay you a pervert
Taurus_ChicKa 37
That's one of my pet peeves - guys scratching their nuts in public. It's a terrible habit and makes you look trashy. Please don't do it.
YallDeservedItJk 22
Did she ask you for an explanation or did you decide to just start talking about your crotch to her??? If you did that’s creepy af and YDI