Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We started going at it and we were both butt naked when I saw a car pull into the lot. Not only was it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asked my girlfriend was, "Are you being held against your will?" FML
Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got busted having public sex. In desperation, I promised the officer he could fuck me if he let us go. Now I've got an extra charge and probably an ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML
Today, my normally very unadventurous girlfriend decided she wanted to have public sex. We were naked in the back of her car when she saw someone in the distance, had a panic attack, and started screaming uncontrollably. I got arrested because a cop heard the screams and thought I was attacking her. FML
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
Looks like this conversation wasn't too "hot" or too "cool"
Luciens19 0
Feel the burn!!! ha
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Comments (235)
Iamnotmyself 17
Looks like this conversation wasn't too "hot" or too "cool"
LOLbomb 1
Trojan man!
sarahxD1234 5
just the right temperature. but seriously YDI .
smurfsarwales 9
did the cop want a threesome? hopefully you had spare lube for him :)
smurfsarwales 9
did the cop want a threesome? hopefully you had spare lube for him :)
zakkyzebra 11
It wasn't any funnier the second time. (Yes I'm aware it was an FML double post error.)
SpeakingMyMind 0
Then why call someone out over something they had no control over?
Andrew1122 0
that wasn't "punny" at all
manMadeFAIL 7
BURN!
wunderwaffe 0
u would know all about that?
EvilPotato 15
I got a boner from this.
extrovertical 0
Local park you say?? How classy.
SpeakingMyMind 0
OP only resorted to the local park because the classy alley behind the gas station was "occupied." (;
USMC_FTW 3
Your hot and your cold, your up and your down, your in and your out.
a_nutritionist 10
@148 theres no way you can claim that was a typo...*YOU'RE. learn the difference.
Iamnotmyself 17
Learn the difference between "helping" and being a "douche" then maybe you'll get somewhere in life, like out of your moms basement for example.
a_nutritionist 10
wow thats original. my mums basement. yeah. if i had a cent for every time i heard someone talk about my mums non existent basement id have...well...probably like 20 cents.
Iamnotmyself 17
Good job! Feel like you could go chase the world huh? Well too bad you have no people skills!
a_nutritionist 10
"Learn the difference between "helping" and being a "douche" then maybe you'll get somewhere in life"
Iamnotmyself 17
Yes but I understand I was being a douche. You do not
USMC_FTW 3
182, for whatever reason you found it necessary to correct me on my grammar, I will now return the favor and let you know that you forgot to put a period. Also, I know the difference between "your" and "you're," however, seeing as this is FML, not an English class, I do not understand why you really give a shit, due to the fact you obviously understood what I was saying.
a_nutritionist 10
difference being, mine doesnt change the entire meaning of whats being said, isnt a common error made by idiots who actually dont know the difference and wasnt repeated several times in one message. sure, you keep pretending the only place where sentences need to make sense is in an english class, ill continue to know otherwise. theres a clear difference between being lazy and being stupid, i skip over things like capitals and apostrophes, thats lazy, you type the wrong word in a sentence, thats stupid.
extrovertical 0
"mine doesn't change the entire meaning of what's being said" uh yeah it does, hence the difference between your and you're.
klsydggn 16
You're ....for all of those...
rachelphillie 1
201- skipping over apostrophes actually does change the meaning... In other words, YOU'RE wrong.
OBTrice 15
148 Right in more ways than the song lyrics
Luciens19 0
Feel the burn!!! ha
sovietkiwi 0
having sex in the park just isn't a good idea most of the time
A13X33STJ 0
And the freeze?
sovietkiwi 0
I like your picture.
lilody_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
do the cop. I would
Iamnotmyself 17
We all know you would, but what would he do? Well, coming to a logical conclusion that person would have a conversation with the cop naked and with lubrication on his penis. Sounds like somethin he would do. So in better terms he should, but it would make him homosexual which, I doubt he is.
beccajanemgg 0
the cop wouldn't do you.
A13X33STJ 0
we all know you would... over there holding your boob and taking a picture of it *rolls eyes*
Badbrock 6
Nice ****
ChickenInMyKitch 4
HAHAHA you didn't put on some pants before talking to him?
Jimmyd0t 0
putting on pants wouldn't affect the lubricant lol
sns_fml 0
you are retarded! so is your picture.
IronZombie 0
what do u expect from a 15 yr old retarded Canadian boy with a black womans picture
jrk26 0
u like your constipated do the constipated dance!!!!
BridgetCrooks 3
That was probably the stupidest comment I have ever read
izok777 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
thats wat u get 4 doin it in the park idiot
Hello_kitty_love_fml 0
ikr who does that? Geez, keep your package closed in public places... theres children in the park.
Iamnotmyself 17
Oh no not the children!
agaba 0
thats just weird and go to ur house to do it
lucy331 0
rawr
Iamnotmyself 17
Meow
jmtmxer 0
moooooo
sceneblondie 8
bark! :3
SakeOfSacrifice 0
pika---chu
Helloiloveyou199_fml 0
grrrrr
DaleksAreEpic 0
squirtle, squirtle
gingerkid19 0
funny becaus this kid is like 12, what a joke. and every comment replying to him is referring to his young age. Avengers Unite
randomguy1millon_fml 0
hate ur pic like the idea
agSWAAAAG 0
yeah #6 I was about to compliment you on this comment and then I saw your pic and realized you were 5 and now I'm kinds rethinking things...
A13X33STJ 0
Honestly its not really that weird some people get excitement from there adrenaline pumping. (adrenaline junkies) And yes pumping pun intended.
Vikadine 0
is it safe to say you're in hot water?
Iamnotmyself 17
Very unsafe, in fact, if you ever get into hot water, jump out immediately!! It may leave permanent damage.
Trent_21 6
sounds like a normal Wednesday night
ForestFire0 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why are you using lube? Does your girlfriend find you so unattractive that no matter how much foreplay you try, she can't get wet? Or is it that you're a lazy and selfish lover who cares nothing for her pleasure and only focuses on getting yourself off? Personally, I'm going with the latter.
TheCass_ 3
Why are you getting on the man about using lube? Considering it was Fire and Ice, it was probably just something they wanted to try out. Have you had a bad experience with lube? :(
Iamnotmyself 17
I love dumb people, I love you, coincidence? I'd think not! Either way for God sakes man have you ever had fire and ice!? IT BURNS WHILE IT FREEZES! The first person who tried it probably wasn't the smartest person on the planet if you think about it.
aardvarks 0
Just because he's using lube doesn't mean she cant get wet. It also doesn't mean he doesn't care about her. There are other reasons for lube.
DawnMarie11 0
it's not lube it's a condom. sheesh.
JaneChemi_fml 21
It comes on the condom
niswisk 3
it might be the girl dude. some chicks just dont get wet enough. neither of them at fault
IAmTheHeavens 0
Your retarded. People can use different types of lube for the sensation it gives not just for being able to pull in and out smoothly. Your obviously a virgin.
LittlexSparrow 0
It does come separate from the condom..and maybe they're using lube so that his man thang doesn't gain friction and rip apart. its happened to people before!!
lsk91 3
I think he was referring to the lube thats already on the Trojan Fire & Ice condom that he probably had on
Mitcha857 0
I agree with 49, cause honestly if you're questioning why the guy was using lube, you obviously haven't had enough sex or are in fact a virgin
KLern 0
haha 49 nailed it...
randomguy1millon_fml 0
dude so u don't get the girl pergnant
MerrikBarbarian 9
gonna assume you are a virgin here, or are a terrible lover. either way- how much lube a girl produces has jack all to do with how aroused she is. where she is in her cycle plays into it big time, as well as her natural body rythyms. a girl can be super turned on, but dry as the sahara, or super wet, but not turned on at all. actually learn some anatomy and biology instead of getting your info from ****.
12345goochgobble 0
you my friend are an idiot
ReynshineCutting 10
Moron. You must be a virgin. My fiancé and I use lube all the time. Does it mean we just wanna jam it in and get it over with? No. It feels good and can make things easier sometimes.
A13X33STJ 0
Imma just say youre ******* retarded...
MasterShake1100 0
BUUUURRRRRNNNNN!!!!! lmfao
MasterShake1100 0
BUUUUURRRRNNNN!!!! lmfao
SupraHippo 6
WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT HE USED...
marinus_fml 20
Next time you shouldn't rape homeless people sleeping in parks. Who does it in parks anyways.
kaitlin101 0
hahaha(: