Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML
Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, it was an unusually warm day after many weeks of typical subfreezing temperatures, so my family and I went for a walk in the park. We all came back with mosquito bites. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML
Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML
Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML
Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML
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Top comments
Dilwann 27
Sunbathing isn't really healthy. If you need vitamin D, you might as well just go on a walk, walk to the store, go biking or whatever. Sunbathing while laying still is actually quite 'dangerous' (sunburns etc).
lat187 18
Sunbathing to be healthy? That is like riding a segway instead of taking a car "to be healthy"
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Comments (106)
TCRII 30
Next time, use a bug spray with Deet.
howard007 18
If it were fire ants I would call you fire crotch
DumbWater 17
"But too much Deet is bad for your skin!!"
YourOpinionSucks 22
Your "attempt" at being healthy is literally doing nothing and laying in the sun? You deserve it based off of that pompous wording dick head.
MrsDruidess 23
are we ignoring the laying out to be healthy remark? Did the sun stop giving us cancer. . .
colton_colton 50
I guess we learned the outdoors are bad
buckstop1 37
Well duh, we invented man caves for a reason
IamHercules 24
That's it. I'm staying inside permanently.
Caseroos 12
Make sure it wasn't a spider building her nest down there. It happened to one of my friends. That was a sight to see.
I_Like_Dogs 28
Holy shit, this is terrifying. OP, prepare your matches.
Skylarconner 14
how the bloody hell did that happen?
Wiringify 22
How did you get to see it though?
DaRito 25
Sweet lord jesus that is terrifying. It's also in my head as I'm about to go to sleep.
jmacfan1 16
That's ok I don't need to sleep
King_paradox 22
Can we get a follow up?
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Nuts to you.
Dilwann 27
Sunbathing isn't really healthy. If you need vitamin D, you might as well just go on a walk, walk to the store, go biking or whatever. Sunbathing while laying still is actually quite 'dangerous' (sunburns etc).
syki 22
I imagine he meant in comparison to a tanning salon. It's not really healthy, but isn't it supposed to be better?
ShirtlessWonder 17
If you put on some low SPF sunscreen and you're out from maybe 11-1, it should be fairly healthy. I mean, you can get vitamin D just from supplimenting, but sunbathing like that isn't really dangerous or unhealthy.
catherinecas 30
My docs always said to go lay in the sun for at least 30 minutes a day for vitamin D. And supplementing vitamin D in pill form can really **** up your liver if you aren't careful. I had to have blood work every 2 weeks when I was prescribed the supplements.
tantanpanda 26
Nowadays, milk is fortified with vitamin D. There are also foods to eat with vitamin D as well. As fun as tanning and sunbathing is, all dermatologists will tell you that there's no safe way to tan. When your skin gets damaged by the sun, it produces vitamin D.
sweetbliss3 37
15 minutes a day will get you your daily amount of vitamin D. supplements and milk aren't the best ways to get it since it's better to be absorbed by the skin. just use bug spray next time.
catherinecas 30
Just to point out that skin produces vitamin D even when it's not damaged.
Mauskau 36
Being out in the sun between 11 and 1 is the most dangerous, as the sun is strongest between 11 and 3. Don't sit in the sun, it just makes it worse. You can also be in the shade and still get some of the benefits.
tantanpanda 26
#45, if your skin does produce vitamin D without sunlight, it doesn't produce nearly enough. people get sick in the winter for more reasons than "it's cold".
TheSovietOnion 21
Solution: Light yourself on fire. The bugs will stay away from the flame and you'll only be left with a few burns
CaptainSmith28 19
Right? I mean you were going to get sunburnt anyway...
Misha93 15
I guess the bugs were hungry for some nuts...
onlychildFTW 34
Now if only girls were that hungry for nuts. ;). Haha
Melina7492 2
That must be bugging you.
RememberSchlitz 9
Sunbathing fully clothed? Not sure what you're trying to accomplish here.
LeashaJoy5595 28
I think he was referring to his man parts being fully covered. I wondered this too though.
funnyguy543 2
Asking the real questions
beeferjay 34
I use avon skin so soft to keep the bugs away because it smells good and keeps me looking young
PsychicBulwark 4
Not being old enough to drive keeps you looking young, too. lol
gracehi 33
But he's 34...
igive 29
So I guess the cream is working huh?