Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I went with my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's house party. She got incredibly drunk and I spent the whole night looking after her when she was throwing up. In the brief moment before she passed out she said "thanks Matt, you're a great boyfriend." Matt is her ex. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, my friend got drunk with me and texted my boyfriend, saying she was in love with him and missed him. Her brother came to my house since she got caught drunk and gave a “lecture” on responsibility. I don't know what’s worse, the lecture or the fact that he’s my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
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Top comments
NikkiFlysKites 8
That's when you shove her head into the toilet.
YurTriniFantasy 1
haha slap her then dunk her head in the toilet... then run... an dump your boyfriend... and go find a guy in a club to sleep with... problem solved OP!
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Comments (193)
bARbi3_d0Ll 0
"boo you *****" -.-
smurfsarwales 9
yea
sweetcheeksjvl 0
time for a swirlie!!!!!!
Iamnotmyself 17
Ah drunk people, they never fail to remind me of my grandmother. She started hitting on my bf, until she found out he was gay, then she started saying we'd rot in hell. Good times!
rawrlily 0
Shove her goddamn face in the puke filled toilet and keep it there for a few seconds.
Jimmyd0t 0
lmfao well the truth comes out when you're drunk
sieera00 8
haha lmao
sieera00 8
haha lmao
Veraymix 6
Yep, that's about the time I would have shoved her face in it.
shaniecerb 0
yeah.i would drown that bitch.and when they found her body and checked for cause of death,they would find throw-up chunks in her lungs
yepadoodles 3
to the first comment: shut the **** up you ******* *****
ChaCerCam 14
OP: FOLLOW UP PLEASE!!!!
NikkiFlysKites 8
That's when you shove her head into the toilet.
Stressed_Student 2
Don't forget to flush! After her head has been in there, of course. :)
slantyshanty 7
she should have shoved that girls head into the porcelain rim.
flighted 1
I couldn't have said all of that better myself. **** her shit UP, op. swirly style
sieera00 8
I wouldve done that if that was my friend ;D
Wandering_Ninja 8
I would have asked why the hell she didn't let me get in on that with him
boopityboppity 11
Easy there, people. What if she slept with him before OP's relationship? Granted, it's unlikely, but still possible.
Mach10 0
Bang-on. Don't have to be a total jerk though--a couple of courtesy flushes wouldn't go amiss
marianasgirl 0
I was honestly just about to comment that until I saw yours xD two great minds think alike
Flutist 3
@94-- then why would she say, "I slept with your boyfriend." That implies that she slept with him while they were dating. The fact that Op said, "This is what friends are for" and the friend started crying and said that admits guilt. If it were before that then there would have been no problem having Op know.,
Alicia17C 2
exactly if she slept with him first then op would have been in the wrong for dating him after.
allIcansayisseri 0
ahaha that's is what I was going to say!
Alicia17C 2
meaning that isn't a possibility and the friend is a bitch...
YurTriniFantasy 1
haha slap her then dunk her head in the toilet... then run... an dump your boyfriend... and go find a guy in a club to sleep with... problem solved OP!
brbgirl 0
lol yes!
flighted 1
lol I bet if op sleeps with some random dude, they're be a new FML about a cheating boyfriend, a whoreible best friend and gonnorhea ha
ShrukiantheMad 0
Yes.Be a **** to prove a point. That's seems to be all the rage these days.
Mystery_Machete 2
Yup. The next Renaissance! Where puking in a public bathroom isn't a rare occurence, it's expected!
Voqab 3
shout out to being trini
Iwashere12345 0
good plan dude I might just have to use that one day.. :D
Alicia17C 2
not a random guy at a club, sleep with his best friend! an eye for an eye.
EvilPotato 15
funk her face in the vomet water in the toilet.
ItWasAllWorthIt 0
Yes, funk it right in.
spoilt_ 15
right in that vomet water
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
funk it real good
ppatty 0
dam lol
taarna77 6
lol!
EvilPotato 15
let's funk in Hoover Dam.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
let's get funky down in funkei towwwn !
1215116a 14
The truth always comes out when drunk...
fireclaw722 3
Now that it does!
johnnyexpl0sion 0
Meowth, that's right!
rosesong2494 3
Dunken words are sober thoughts...
CaramelRainbows 2
That was the perfect opportunity to shove her head in the toilet with her puke still there, then flush it.
SuperCassie 0
after shoving her face on the toilet. collect some vomit and throw it on your boyfriend's face.
SparkleyTurtle 4
But 'collecting vomit' seems very gross!!!
Naaboo 0
What a ***** -.-
Ieatpeople1984 0
Sure, its never the boyfriends fault right? Idiots...
Iamnotmyself 17
It's both of their faults, idiot
skizzlerz 0
yeah they're both ******
smurfsarwales 9
except man ****** dont exist, they're called players and there awesome :)
Iamnotmyself 17
Or male prostitutes, whichever you prefer.
CryMoreFMLs 15
72 - male ****** are calle giggalos, not players. Player is the term used for an individual competing in an athletic event or video games. Or the douchebag's way of saying "man *****"
Mekeritrig 15
At least she's remorseful. Still, find a better boyfriend and friend.
slinkydee 2
remorseful doesnt mean shit. with your logic that means we can all **** each other over but its okay coz we will feel remorseful afterwards. shouldnt have happened in the first place.
TheMonica 0
So, I can commit murder, but as long as I am remorseful it'sx okay then? Swwweeeeet' Now where'a that list....?
Iamnotmyself 17
I think her logic is that at least she knows it happened so you give her a 5 second grace period? Hell to that I wana hear about some teeth being flushed down a toilet!
skizzlerz 0
Mistake? That's a little more than a mistake. a mistake is doing something wrong and not knowing at first that it was wrong. She knew that it wasn't even CLOSE to "right" when she ****** her friend's boyfriend. Mistake my ass. Even if she was drunk when it happened, there had to have already been some feelings or want to do that there for her to have done that with him. And the boyfriend is just a cheating asshole.
Jaxx66 21
I say ditch em both. people never change. they just put on a different mask.
FarSide 23
To wit your reply should have been, "I know, but I was doing your daddy since we were 13".
Jacobt24 19
At least she told you.
delia_24 0
yeah cuz she was drunk!