Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML
Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML
Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML
Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML
Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
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Top comments
BShady96 0
well it does count as selfpleasuring...
missfml1105 0
ok but if it was your outer thigh she should have realized that your handwasnt in your crotch...
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Comments (112)
skizzlerz 0
Now I'm creeped out cuz my name is Callie too..... o.O
marylovesyou8D 7
OMG SOMEBODY HAS THE SAME NAME AS YOU NO WAY THATS SO CREEPY! ...oh wait.
Jaxx66 21
well, it'll teach her to knock first for one. and second, oh well if you were masturbating. not like it's a damn crime.
chosha_fml 27
Why didn't you just show her the mosquito bites?
cumverg 0
Pics or it didn't happen
BigOrca 2
shouldn't wear skinny jeans.
camartinez23 0
Ahhh excuses excuses..
dancingdoggy 4
If the mosquito bites were on the outside of your thighs, then that's where your hand would have been... where does your mom think your crotch is, anyways??
MarkGoldstein 0
well, now she won't walk in when you are
whoa_is_failz 6
how does it look like youre masturbating if the bites are on the outside?
greatwyt 0
this happens to me as well.... yes, yes it does. i promise. its just bites.... mom never believes tho. could be the fact that i was watching ****?