Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
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Top comments
fmylifedam 0
don't smoke then
xxxInsanexxx 9
Burn! Get it? Yes? No, bad pun? Sorry.
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Comments (152)
fmylifedam 0
don't smoke then
TroII 0
YDI for lighting your hair on fire then panicking and slapping yourself in the face.
marinus_fml 20
Exactly. Smokers deserve to be smacking themselves in the face. What they're doing to themselves harm them alot more than spanking themselves anyways. You would be a moron to take up smoking these days knowing it's consequences. Not hating on long term addicted people, just saying people who take up smoking knowing the consequences are ******* dumb.
antoinemartinez 0
easier said than done
fatgirllovesfml 0
smoking rocks! if you don't smoke start smoking now or your loosing a lot..
khaya 9
It's called natural selection, and good news is you passed for now. Remember wait for the green man before you cross.
oblio 0
22, it's not natural selection because smokers can generally manage to reproduce before they kick off, leaving their genes in the gene pool, unfortunately.
folfin 0
ydi for smoking
aquariusangel420 0
Nice to know you have an opinion on the matter! Yes we smokers know the consequences but we don't care because we love to smoke and that is our choice so don't preach like your God k trust me if you ever had a cig you might like it! And we don't thing about the consequences when we light up we give into to our nicotine fix because it's feels so GOOD so don't knock something before you try it k
seanders 10
46: I have tried a cigarette out of curiosity. it tasted like shut, I hacked like crazy, and I got a really dirty head rush that almost made me fall over. It wasn't a good "high" head rush though, a bad one. So I can knock it lol. That being said though, I really don't card if you smoke, it's not my problem, you made your choice. just like I choose to smoke weed. many people would knock me for smoking weed, but like you said: don't knock it till you try it.
ugliness 6
I agree, don't knock it till you try it, I learned in school that it takes approximately 3 cigarettes to become addicted, which could explain why the person above me didn't like it the first time
DocBastard 40
Aquariusangel, I just want to make sure I have your argument straight. Smoking is ok because: -it feels good -you don't think about the consequences, you just want your fix Is that about right? It sounds like an argument for heroin, too. Are you for that as well? I've never tried it, and I don't need to. I know way too much about how smoking kills to try it. That whole "don't knock it until you've tried it" is asinine.
john_scrosh 0
who the hell are any of you to judge someone else's choice to smoke?
aardvarkish 17
75, that does sound like a good argument for heroin! Where have you been all my life? Well, better late than never!
DocBastard 40
John Scrosh - I'm Doc. That's who I am. And I take care of smokers for a living, and they are all slowly killing themselves. That's who the hell I am. Who are you?
johnson94 5
^ Damnnn, check mate
locacolloca 0
dude your a dumbass quit smoking
aardvarkish 17
Putten Tame...
thatonename 7
hey doc, as a doctor isn't it you're job strictly to treat and not to judge someone? I mean, you couldn't not treat someone who overdosed just because you feel they deserve it. therefore I see you argument as invalid and in no way, checkmate.
john_scrosh 0
doc, you're complaining because you have to do the job you are paid to do? do you also give alcoholics with bad livers a hard time?
DocBastard 40
Thatonename - No where is it ever stated that doctors have to just treat and not judge. You really think I'm going to let my patients just do suicidal things without calling them out on it? Ha! Hell no. If one of my patients does something stupid, you better believe I'm going to tell them. And guess what? Unlike you immature little brats, they're actually appreciative that I'm trying to help them. John_scrosh - Yes, I give alcoholics a hard time too, especially the ones who drink and drive. Why? Because my wife drives my two children around on the same roads they do, and they put them at risk of dying. Any other stupid questions?
aquariusangel420 0
75 your an idiot I was talking about cigs NOT heroion that's how I feel about it and I meant that for people who smoked not some dumbass who thinks I'm talking about drugs! And I agree about weed lol but I don't smoke anymore! And thank you for your response atleast you were nice about it! Yes it's not for everyone but I like it so O WELL
littlemissFYL 5
9, you are basically calling every smoker dumb because I'm 99.9% sure everyone smoking knows what the consequences are. yes, even if you are a minor like myself (I don't smoke) because they've been teaching me this since the 3rd grade.
Payniac 11
i guess there aren't a lot of smokers in FML then.
thatonename 7
I'm still not to sure how warning patients of suicidal behavior is the same as judging, but whatever you say doc. p.s. you had a few mistakes in your last post, which for someone like you who used to be border-line grammar nazi is rather funny.
Goaliefriend 5
retard ... someones messed up .
A7X_LoVeee 10
Oh lord..where to start? 129 first of all, it's you're. Don't go around calling others idiots when you can't comprehend the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. Also, I'm fairly certain Doc knew you were talking about cigs. However, your argument could be applied to ANY other drug. That's where the heroin comes in. Get it? *facepalm*
PeteyPablo12308 20
I am a smoker (since I was 12) and I am also an addict in recovery (heroin/meth). I can honestly say that I wish I never would've started smoking OR doing drugs. Both are habits that can and WILL destroy your life. If you can make it through life without trying either, then DO IT.
PerryFlynn 0
I'm not stupid enough to try because I know that it has addictive substances that will make want more and **** my life, my lungs and other people's life by being passive smokers
lunaXXdennice 0
that's why people say don't smoke you might get your hair on fire and you end up slapping yourself it isnt healthy to hit yourself...
YANKS2728 0
wow only if I knew that!!!!
YANKS2728 0
and 49 your only saying that to convince yourself your not doing anything wrong when you really are.
kcluna 6
That's exactly what you get for smoking!
zendaddy0 0
well you already facepalmed so you have that
leeshxx 3
there's no use trying to argue with doc children. he will hand your ass to you ass well as the pole that's stuck up it
kfchiken 0
big deal peoples smoke that there choice so let them deal with the consequences no need to hate just cuz it's bad for you and Doc doctors just tell patients what there choices are for a healthier life not judge or hate on them ... that's wrong
baseballin25 0
calm the hell down this is fml not some english class
kurv3 0
been there. done that. disgusting.
a_nutritionist 10
@114 youre thinking of priests. doctors can judge you, they just cant refuse you treatment or neglect you because of that judgement. what a ridiculous thing to say, that because someone is a doctor theyre not allowed to judge the actions of people that may affect their health. are you his patient? no? then shut the **** up. @117 thats right, people will openly bitch about the factors of their jobs that are annoying. funnily enough, doctors do it too. by the way, his hand was forced, dont now bitch because he pointed out his position when it was requested. and again, youre not his patient, legally and ethically he can tell you exactly what he thinks of smoking. if you want someone to be nicer to you and pretend youre not doing something stupid, you might want to give your mother a call.
Bcfrmkc816 17
Hit the wrong button you didn't deserve that. And non smokers need to lighten up.
xX_Munchie_Xx 8
who the hell are you to judge us to judge anyone else's choice of smoking.
carbonbasedcynic 17
you cant even compare those 2
xxxInsanexxx 9
Burn! Get it? Yes? No, bad pun? Sorry.
LunaNstars 0
it actually made me laugh
papaya_master 4
I bet she was smokin' hot. OK I think my pun was just as bad as yours.
ubetrwatchBN 5
Here's another: *facepalm*
ydi_4_suking 20
86 was lame
Keffin 0
I just imagined OP to be someone with an Afro that caught on fire listening to "burn baby burn disco inferno!"
jbcrazy 6
haha lol, that was actually really Funny
raveypoo 4
it was indeed "punny" ;)
mayndaapathetic 4
haha .
Rainbowjumper0 12
You're lame
jocelyn123 0
your hairs on your face ?
Moota 9
No you herp derpin person, her hair from her head. I'm assuming its long.It could've need her eyebrows maybe.
Biebz4Lyf10 0
thats true lol
GriZzliie 3
dumbass.. op = female. female often have long hair. people usually smoke outside now a days. wind + long hair = problem!!! figured it out yet??
DarthVader007 0
Hahah! ... Well ****! xD
sammieg17 5
Smoky the bear says don't smoke!
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe it was the hair on her ******. I actually saw this stripper who could stick a cigarette in her vag and blow smoke rings...
dpaul 0
thats what u get 4 smoking
drumchick4ever7 0
win!
truewinner 0
smokers are jokers!
babycakess10 0
agreed!
MrScholl 4
Well I tend to joke alot, so am I a smoker?
aardvarks 0
Well seems like someone's smokin'
EverybodyHatesCh 0
I see what you did there.
markbotto 0
hey
Pownzeez 0
you should have kept this story a cigarette.
kyanisaurus 0
took me a while to get this :(
stormlvr 0
I still don't get it.....
Predental 5
cigarette = secret
stormlvr 0
Ohh... thanks hahaha
YacL 15
Is that the reaction you have to every fire? To slap it out?
XxEmoSnowboarder 8
lol
zniltiaC 19
YDI for smoking.
snorlaxxx 0
HA HA.
sandmancometh 3
WoW not only are you dumb but really stupid too.
krushr 3
Great point. Insightful.
instantmusic 4
Redundant comment is redundant.
johnson94 5
you really put it to the OP with this comment! beat trash talker if I've ever seen one.
ubetrwatchBN 5
It is what it is. I'll know it when I know it, and you'll get there when you get there. Oh sorry, I thought we were all just spouting meaningless tautologies. (and yes, putting "meaningless" in front if it is redundant, too....zing!)