Keffin

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me "yummy pictures." I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML