Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
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Top comments
fmylifedam 0
don't smoke then
xxxInsanexxx 9
Burn! Get it? Yes? No, bad pun? Sorry.
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Comments (152)
Monii_Harlz 11
smoking is a personal choice, (but a dumb one at that) I kno and have regrets from it!! I had to LMAO at this tho!!!! karma is a bitch what can I say ?!
Donna626 0
That's what you get! ha!!
paramedicgirl87 4
Oh my goodness I laughed so hard at this. Way to go OP, way to go...
ceddyz17 10
haha use that smokeless tabaccie
AustrianChaos 3
You could post that you got raped and beat into a temporary coma by 5 strangers on a dark alleyway - as long as you smoked a cigarette before, you'll definitively deserved it. At least according to this website. If you post anything related to smoking on this site, prepare to get bashed.
AustrianChaos 3
*you've. Goddamnit.
shortie_sauce 0
in the words of a wise young Rudy Huxtable: " you shouldn't smoke cigarettes. they make your breath stink, your lungs dirty, and then you die!!" that about sums it up :]
ilikeemsmall 4
Or...you don't smoke..and you still die.
LoriBrooke 0
It's called a joke. Tsk, tsk.
drumchick4ever7 0
there is no need to smoke. so maybe you will stop?...
OrderXsoL 0
A bitch slap for a bitch.
Riemurasia 0
Where is the What the ****?!-button when you need it? :P You got a reason to stop smoking now at least ^^