Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
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Top comments
fmylifedam 0
don't smoke then
xxxInsanexxx 9
Burn! Get it? Yes? No, bad pun? Sorry.
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Comments (152)
ambowew 7
You dumb shit. Oooh, you're gonna need some ice for that burn. ... Pun intended.
s3xymoma 1
dam that must of suck. how bad is it?
DocBastard 40
How bad is your grammar? It's bad. Really bad.
_yarrrr 0
^awesome.
AustrianChaos 3
Congratulations. You successfully mastered your mother tongue. *clap, clap* Now out you go, proud hero! Put other people down for your own amusement, for they fade compared to your great language skills! HUSSAH!
s3xymoma 1
lol 105
lilponygurrl 0
stop effing smoking then! ydi!
FreebirdIII 1
I think cigarettes stink, but cigarettes with the aroma of singed hair and burnt flesh would be a unique smell.
_yarrrr 0
win.
Predental 5
You're supposed to pop lock and drop it
kinga08 0
Didn't they ever teach you to stop drop and roll?
brianjman14 23
Why is everyone against smokers. Yes, we know you don't smoke, we know that smoking is bad for us, but still, doesn't mean you can be a complete asshole to us. **** off.
TheDrifter 24
But we are running out of people you can be a total prick to without repercussions. We're down to smokers, fat people and white males. Heaven forbid anyone should be all three, the pc police might just shoot them on sight.
nlr 9
I take it that you smoke?!
a_nutritionist 10
oh you dont like it when people push something on you that you have no choice about and have to deal with because its the persons right to do so? yeah it sucks doesnt it? maybe if you could think outside the square a little youd realise why your opinion on people judging smokers was a hypocritical load of nonsense.
Pg11 0
actually it does. when you stop blowing your smoke in my face, don't litter the ground with billions of cigarette butts, and go kill yourselves slowly in a place where I don't have to be near it, I'll stop being an asshole to you.
fortgarrison 1
remember children, cigarets are bad for you health, dont smoke especially if your accident prone
loveofyourlife11 0
that sucks.. I don't agree with smoking, but if your going to smoke though, maybe you should pull the hair back out of your face before you light up.