Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
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Top comments
fmylifedam 0
don't smoke then
xxxInsanexxx 9
Burn! Get it? Yes? No, bad pun? Sorry.
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Comments (152)
borntoperform 14
This is why I will never smoke. Another reason is that I really hope to be on broadway someday, and smoking would ruin my voice.
Bassmasterclassi 2
yeah good luck with that but when that doesn't happen and you start introducing yourself as Bunny to weird lonely men. im sure you will pick up the habit so the only thing you smoke isn't just pole.
ceddyz17 10
haha broadway is prob code name for girls gone wild
RavenLovesGir 0
Is it so wrong that someone has a dream? I bet you haven't even heard her sing... Keep practicing, keep that dream in your head, don't give up, push yourself and you'll be great :)
WallyTheWombat 0
Gir
Steinson_ERAU 0
hahaha that'll teach you not to smoke lol
DocBastard 40
Yes yes, everyone knows smoking is bad for you blah blah blah. I'm not going to harp on the issue. Smokers know it's bad for them, yet they do it anyway. Let them do what they please as long as they don't hurt anyone else.
benderbot19 0
thanks, doc. what's with these fml kids using this as their soapbox to preach. it's fml!!
ugliness 6
exactly, I don't like when people preach and try to change people's habits or beliefs or who they are attracted to, it's just moronic let them smoke and stick to your fresh air :3
SirEBC 7
49 and 58: You're both morons. Smoking kills babies and is the leading cause of malaria. Not only is it bad for you, but GOD doesn't want you to smoke, and therefore you are going to burn in hell for smoking.
ugliness 6
hey sir ebc, that's old news, god has hated me since I was conceived just over 17 years ago ^~^
DocBastard 40
EBC: Don't forget that smoking causes AIDS, herpes, Alzheimer's disease, and rabies.
SirEBC 7
Unless you get the vaccine for Alzheimer's.
TheDrifter 24
Will the localized numbness from early stage smoking caused rabies remove the pain in my head from repetitive and asinine anti smoking arguments? If so I might have to give it a shot.
CitrusGirl 0
I know pastors that smoke. You're telling me they're going to hell? Only God had the power to judge peoples eternal destiny. Don't try to do it for him.
benderbot19 0
thank you, sir. i wasn't aware GOD didn't want me to smoke. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. MALARIA!
docscientist 10
But humans do all the time, religion is based around people telling other people what to do while claiming it's the edict of a higher power. It's why we have so many denominations; people don't agree with some things to such a degree that they start their own franchise.
CitrusGirl 0
That makes sense, Doc. But say you believe in the Christian God. If you really do believe and understand what He's about you don't go around telling people they're damned to Hell. That's why (I think) people hate Christians. I'm Christian and I hate it when people do that.
docscientist 10
Yeah, people distort the message of Jesus who was described as a pacifist and preached kindness and understanding. I'm an atheist, but I respect the message portrayed. Unfortunately there are people manage to turn it into hate-filled, exclusionist nonsense.
aardvarkish 17
Wow! Somebody really missed the boat at Sarcasm Quay.
LaidToRest48 9
lol God lol
jenaandtyler4eva 0
lol you do know smoking is bad for you and it costs alot of money which you can save and use for something useful and stop smoking
PSQ91 6
Oh thanks for the info we didn't know that -_- gtfo
perdix 31
Have you seem what cigarettes cost these days? You should slap yourself in the face for paying so much!
goodnesspeople 1
For me, the same as a gallon of gas.. I don't drive, I'm guessing you probably do (or will as soon as you are old enough). Slap yourself for buying gas at such a price!!
courtneyw2012 0
This has happened to me before too, not a fun experience!
snade 0
Well... Atleest you put it out before it did damage...
imnotcraZ 0
cigarettes kill in many ways...it's is one of the shorter ones
imnotcraZ 0
cigarettes kill in many ways...it's is one of the shorter ones
sixwaystilsunday 12
Great lets give the anti-smoking campaigners more fuel for the fire :/ Moron lol :D
DarthVader007 0
They Have ****** Up Now .