Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Next time you're cold, try sticking your head in the oven.
anorexicbarbie 8
Chicken
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Comments (103)
anorexicbarbie 8
Chicken
FFML_314 12
Fish.
Sirin_fml 47
Spam.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
I think the obvious one here is human hand
Bee_fml 2
Jello.
muhaidib 2
Cabbage.
fakeaccountX 6
Some random food.
Filitov 0
Quiche.
Zmeilerr 22
C-C-Combo breaker!
IWABO2_ 0
cranberrys.
EastonxStealth 0
nice combo break
marinus_fml 20
Yea, nice breaker zmeiler. *hi-5*
Zmeilerr 22
Thanks, Marinus. *Nerdy high five*
KingDingALing 9
PENIS! It's a type of food because it's part of a **** meat sandwich!
StoryOfTheYear 15
Sounds hot if you ask me, I'd bang you in a second If you hadn't already gotten knocked up by the toaster D:
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
My dick hurtss
illjusbedamned 0
immaculate timing. Just brilliant #25.
gamerinfinity 0
Lmao
gamerinfinity 0
Lmao
haggymypants 3
YDI for eating shitty foods.
ImaginaryFoe 1
How do you know what OP eats?
haggymypants 3
what else do you cook on a panini toaster ? hamburgers ?
Haterman123 0
OP wasnt eatin she was "warming up"
warpig182 0
You cook hands
smashgrab 0
53 wins!
iatetehrabbit 0
haha cannibal
desigirl2010 0
#2 OP wasn't eating it he/she whatever was at work. that doesn't necessarily mean they eat it. plus it's yummy anyway.
haggymypants 3
I love eating people. especially peoples nonsense.
valdancer99 0
haha^
Shazbanger 0
YDI for not having enough practice in the kitchen.
salsalover_12 5
YDI see there's this thing you may have locally it's called a STORE maybe you should try BUYING A SPACE HEATER
yuukicross_fml 0
you are too black seriously
bigbadtim 7
Why would you want to heat space.
ImaginaryFoe 1
I've never worked somewhere that allowed employees to bring in heaters.
IWABO2_ 0
maybe he worked at a place that made things with a panini maker?
IWABO2_ 0
nevermind i read that you replied to sorry.
siege10 0
that's probably because you worked at places like mcdonalds. most offices have a policy about them ( that they can't be over a certain wattage or whatever )
ImaginaryFoe 1
Unnecessary bit of rudeness there. I've never worked at McDonald's. I've worked in hospitals, banks, legal offices, and large corporations. None of those places allowed employees to bring in personal appliances, especially heaters. Anything left on under a desk was deemed a fire hazard. They also didn't want to deal with electricity vampires. Small desktop fans were the only exception to the rule. I did work at a construction company briefly where the owner said it was allowed but he was a bit sweet on me and I never brought one in.
Trace01m 11
Way to go, genius. YDI for making the next sandwich with a flesh garnish
SynchronicityII 0
I saw that on Iron Chef once. Bobby Flay blew away the competition with his flesh stroganoff. Mmm, tasty.
Zabrielle 0
Sounds like something I'd do... -_-"
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
Hand
CiaranPM 0
Foot.
b1acksharpi3mark 0
Dick
marinus_fml 20
combo breaker.
C6Racer 0
Finger
marinus_fml 20
I already broke the combo dumbass.
C6Racer 0
I don't care. I'm starting a new one.
lovinit5683 0
Why didn't you go to the store and buy a heater instead of using a toaster and burning yourself with it..
I_am_that_guy 0
...ur suggesting she should go to a store and use her money to heat her workplace?
lovinit5683 0
No. She can use it at work and bring it home after work. I was stating she should buy something to keep her warm.
DocBastard 40
Next time you're cold, try sticking your head in the oven.
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
nice one doc
SynchronicityII 0
Doc, I think OP has already done so and suffered extensive brain damage in the process. Why else would he stick his hand in an industrial oven?
newzealand 28
OP said panini maker.. not industrial oven, What do you put in a panini that would need that ? A whole chicken??
SynchronicityII 0
OP said it was for work, meaning that it wasn't just your average panini maker. I know some sandwich restaurants like Subway and Quiznos have huge ovens in their kitchens. Work = Industry, so an oven for work = an industrial oven.
lovinit5683 0
Lmao!!!
foxgirl715 0
o wow ydi tho for not being more careful!