Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my mother, during which she told me she wished she’d thrown herself down the stairs the minute she discovered she was pregnant. I told her, “There's the stairs, help yourself!” She called the police and told them I threatened to push her down the stairs. FML
Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML
Today, after feeling down due to another negative pregnancy test after my hubby and I have been trying for over a year, my mom insisted I come to a BBQ to "cheer me up." I get there and what do I see? Blue and pink balloons. My sister was announcing her pregnancy. My mom got pissed at me when I walked out. FML
Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML
Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML
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Top comments
bazookajoey 27
Obviously there was a way...
NotGabe 28
Retest. Pregnancy tests aren't 100% true to their results.
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Comments (187)
apaul982 14
Obviously you need the birds and bees talk
llamaaduckk 19
Im sure her ego wont be a problem when your baby is born :D Congrats OP!
kittykat1501 31
Wow need more info pls
sunnyray812 42
I hope you're still able to live at home. I'm sorry, OP. Accidents happen.
lexiieeex3 32
So there's "no way" you were pregnant, huh? Usually only virgins and celibate women can claim that. Don't think you fit into one of those categories OP...
pandalover69 26
Or it was a false positive.
lil_ham1644 29
Or like me. I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago.
sylverdrag_fml 9
Or, you know, guys. :p
Ichiya 29
Can't get pregnant from anal either.
Jefffz 13
Has your mother considered working in the psychic community
alyciawatkins37 13
Mothers have the weird intuition.
SookyLala 13
everyone is screaming bloody murder lol, i assume this person understands sex = baby, perhaps she means no way as in she always used protection and failed to understand thise are never 100% fool proof.
Cassie898 4
perhaps you were showing, and she thought this was a better way of asking then "have you gained weight?"
bab3ruthl3ss 16
If she was far enough along to be showing, I find it much less likely she'd feel there was "no way" she could be pregnant. It's a hard thing to miss...
Wsparta 26
false positive?
jadeleepenguin 29
There's no such thing as a false positive. Only false negatives :)
lilacgold 16
Actually, there is such a thing as a false positive. They're extremely rare and usually the result of a faulty test kit, but it can happen.
laurenahov 6
there is no such thing as a false positive...there are false negatives though
bab3ruthl3ss 16
... As lilacgold just said, there most definitely is such a thing as a false-positive. How have both of you never come across this term?
talicaroxi 25
That's odd as I personally have had false positives. unless you know what you're talking about try not to speak or type in this case