Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML
Today, my husband and I shared a chinese prawn dinner. I now have the most violent shits I’ve ever experienced in my life. He is completely fine and keeps rubbing it in my face by being able to eat his meals without throwing them up. FML
Today, I found out that I'm allergic to shrimp, when I went out for a lunch with my long-term crush after I finally got the courage to ask her out. She's really into seafood. A little while into the afternoon I started to feel itchy. She ended up scratching my back all night. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try a new "exotic" restaurant that just recently opened. I paid almost a hundred bucks for a bowl of oily meat sludge and a bunch of mushy vegetables, then got to shit my brains out all night. Exotic my ass. FML
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Top comments
mitchn60 6
I took my date to a seafood restaurant once, also, but there was a fight. Yeah, some fish got battered.
Coccinelle_fml 15
Did she go to the bathroom before having diarrhea or were you guys still in bed when that happened?
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Comments (86)
iron_chefITALY 0
you can never go wrong with italian food bro.
Jessi_the_sexii 0
viva italia!
rustic 0
must love Italian food<3 but sucks for you OP and for your date :/ she must feel embaresd and bad :/ not fun getting diarrhea
axiomsbc 0
what's op?!
rustic 0
OP is the person who posted the fml.
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Man that stinks.
mintcar 10
6, it means "original poster. " Seriously, OP **** blocked by the prawns.
linx468 8
OP means orgasmic penis
WolfsGuns 0
I declare number 21 oficially epic :]
Bees_fml 0
What are "job prawns"? Commas are your friends.
flakes_fml 0
YOU GOT PRAWNED
blankaex 0
Haha, this reminds me of a chess game I played with my friend a while ago. I killed one of his pawns and he exclaims "Ah!!! You ate my prawn!" *Wipes tear from eye with forefinger and a smile* Gotta love the good ol' days. On a side note, why did you mention the prawns were expensive, OP? Trying to show off how much money you have, hmm?
blankaex 0
And #21, I think you held the camera wrong when you took the picture.
gt23n3 0
Shouldve proceeded with anal <3
Raywynnn 0
some sexpensive prawns they were, huh
missmurderx 8
op: optimus prime. HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO ESLABLISH THIS?
babyale760 0
dirty sanchez anyone???? :) yuck digusting. lol
EastonxStealth 0
well were you planning on taking her out to a nice seafood dinner and never calling her again?
RoxyRaccoon 4
Anchorman reference FTW! :D
tomahto 0
were they from the Gulf of Mexico?
ahti546 11
Doesnt matter had sex
mitchn60 6
I took my date to a seafood restaurant once, also, but there was a fight. Yeah, some fish got battered.
lenavis 0
terrible, terrible pun.
DaniPandi 22
That's what makes it good.
rottentomatoes 7
**** BLOCK
EricErection69 0
7 I wish my hair stayed blue it went to Green both timesD:
misfitSuperStar 0
#7....comment WIN!!!
ironwords 8
more like COD block (like the fish.... well you try making a better pun)
DaniPandi 22
I read that as "Call of Duty block" >.
FFML_314 12
At least you got to have sex.
iSometimes 5
pepto bismol :D
Coccinelle_fml 15
Did she go to the bathroom before having diarrhea or were you guys still in bed when that happened?
molil_4810 0
she got it all ova you while you were in side of her:p
gumzy 6
omg how about if ur dick went up her ass after she went to the bathroom and u take ur dick out only to see pooh on it! ewww lool tht wud smell nd be slimy ! maybe even sexy for u haha! ;)
rustic 0
and if he wasn't wearing any protection he might even get his dick infected. then it would be an FHL for him.
gumzy 6
haha sti
slimshadyy_fml 0
aw shit man that wld be nasty!! XD
ActionManly 11
I guess your penis just had to go shrimp for the night...