Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my mother, during which she told me she wished she’d thrown herself down the stairs the minute she discovered she was pregnant. I told her, “There's the stairs, help yourself!” She called the police and told them I threatened to push her down the stairs. FML
Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML
Today, after feeling down due to another negative pregnancy test after my hubby and I have been trying for over a year, my mom insisted I come to a BBQ to "cheer me up." I get there and what do I see? Blue and pink balloons. My sister was announcing her pregnancy. My mom got pissed at me when I walked out. FML
Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML
Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bazookajoey 27
Obviously there was a way...
NotGabe 28
Retest. Pregnancy tests aren't 100% true to their results.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (187)
Cads1 24
It's a miracle, the lord returns!
jerryj 27
Your dog is clearly convinced!
Cads1 24
Lol, pity he is an idiot.
quackImapenguin 16
It's possible the OP just did the pregnancy test wrong, or waited too long to look at the test, or it was an expired one. Supposedly blood can cause a false positive with some pregnancy tests, so if the OP was on her period and some of it dripped on the test, that might explain both why she was confident she wasn't pregnant and why the test was positive. The best thing to do would be to go to the doctor and confirm.
Shade1982 21
Blood? What kind of pregnancy tests are you doing? All at-home pregnancy tests I know require peeing on them...
glabberfasted 16
43 - They're saying blood from her period. Also, if she was on her period she wouldn't necessarily have to worry about being pregnant. (P.s there are blood tests for pregnancy. Much more accurate)
Lily_Rain77 25
some people on "I didn't know I was pregnant" claim that they had regular periods right up to the end, Drs say this isn't possible and it was really some other pregnancy elated bleeding issue. But ya bleeding generally means no baby.
bab3ruthl3ss 16
It can be spotting, that kind of thing. It's not unheard of, but if there's a lot of it then it's something to get checked out.
ZombieSazza 34
If there is no way you could actually be pregnant, then please see a doctor, a test showing up "positive" could be the result of a medical problem.
StarkWolf_fml 23
damn! send her to a packed maternity ward she'll have heart attack.
Algorithm 24
You need professional help.
Zebediabolical 45
Sounds like you could benefit from a coworker giving you The Talk.
seriouslygrowup 11
"No way" ... turns into "I am".... mmmm, did you have sex? Or didn't you? Because sex is the leading cause of pregnancy you know ;)
pphead 5
Woah what the **** how did your mom do that
jazalea8 16
If you are pregnant, and you did not have sex, file a report. More than likely, you were date raped...
bab3ruthl3ss 16
That wouldn't be the most likely explanation here.
jtea 10
I don't get how there's "no way" you could be pregnant unless you haven't had sex for at least a few months. Obviously you are sexually active which makes it stupid to say no way.