Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke, and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into my boss’s office for a serious meeting. While I was talking, I felt something on my arm, looked down, and realized it was a giant spider crawling up my sleeve. I tried to casually shake it off without screaming, but I just ended up doing a bizarre, silent dance in front of my boss. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year-old guy. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
expertsmilee 26
Whatever you're on...pass it the **** around.
Cads1 24
How do you forget you have a tattoo?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
Cads1 24
How do you forget you have a tattoo?
creatureman 14
I have one on my back. I other it's there sometimes because I can't see it.
MDoremis 38
I forget about the tattoo on my ankle all the time.
ScarredVox92 16
Yeah, but one on your shoulder? Surely OP takes showers. You would definitely see that on your own shoulder.
gordjess1 19
I actually have one on my wrist. It's not small and sometimes I'm still left wondering what it is when I see it out of the corner of my eye. I love my tattoo and it's my only one but sometimes you do just forget that they're there
zarrganaut 17
Exactly what I was thinking.
MrsMills_fml 10
I have one on my neck. I always forrget about it and freak out when I glimpse in the mirror and think something's on me. after a while (and it's not one that's in a completely visiable spot ) you'll forget about it. you wouldn't think it but it is easy to do.
GetKayotic 12
When I got my wrist tattoos, a few times I forgot about them and when caught a glimpse of one under my arm, I thought it was a spider as well! So it's not unheard of.
jackipdoc 31
If people with tattoos are still fairly young, it's not like they had them for the majority of their lives. I forget I have mine sometimes!! Even the one that is spread from my right hip to upper rib cage! It's covered a lot of the time and I often forget I have it
amanda182 19
Both tops of my feet are completely covered and if I'm not thinking about it and look quickly I forget and it's there and I double take like wtf is that, then I realize. It's really easy to forget they're there.. It's not like you Can feel them or anything.
PANDORUM89 21
my tattoo is on my back. I always have 1 of 2 reactions freakout because I think something is on me, or I am genuinely surprised I have a tattoo. it's easy to forget years later when its not always in direct line of sight
Tweetyibird 20
My best friend has a tattoo on his arm, but he is also a hoodie aficionado so he never sees it and often forgets that it's there.
DaRito 25
How was the rest of the ride?
MrsPegg 45
Can you imagine being on that bus? I would laugh so hard seeing someone trip out over technically nothing.
expertsmilee 26
Whatever you're on...pass it the **** around.
colby6666 43
Yeah, I'll have what she's having.
nana_star 27
Paranoia and donkey seizures? I'll pass
Zebediabolical 45
Some people pay extra for paranoia and donkey seizures.
brook823 24
What do you have tattooed on your shoulder?
bdsmslave 18
Bieber. I would probably scream too.
colby6666 43
Hopefully something that comes close to resembling a spider.
RenoTheRhino 30
I bet it's "no ragrets."
Ang3lofd3ath167 18
We're The Millers, that's a good movie
wangwong 8
Why would you get a spider tattoo if you are that afraid of spiders? Sorry, but epic fail.
cheeeksss 29
OP said she thought her tattoo was a spider. Not that she had a spider tattoo...
dreamful_artist 14
Your comments an epic fail...
kindasortayeah 25
A friend of mine actually got a tattoo of a spider in an attempt to get rid of his fear. I'm not sure how successful that was.
brengonerogue 18
that sounds like a good way to ensure you have panic attacks o.O
emeraldisle 30
What exactly does a donkey having a stroke sound like?
slick5880 22
Justin Bieber
nothing92x 13
I really want to make a bad joke here, but I don't want to be an ass about it.
be82tw 17
#6 It sounds like anyone else having a stroke, but just a little horse.
nothing92x 13
They let asses on the bus nowadays? (Then I was down voted into hell.)
countryb_cth 38
If you wouldn't have said you were going to be downvoted you wouldn't have been. The joke was actually funny, but putting 'then I was downvoted' in parentheses ruined it.
Miss_Whipped 43
I actually upvoted it. Not for the joke but because the second part made me chuckle.
nothing92x 13
So this joke is funny but not the one where I didn't put the same ending in response to #6? I know they aren't great but I was hoping more people would like them.
bab3ruthl3ss 16
They've both been down voted a few times, I'd start to work on new material.
RockstarJAy 16
What Street Fighter character is your profile picture?
nothing92x 13
#78 This is Dudley. This is artwork from Street Fighter 3: Third Strike.
microwave19 17
I really hope it's not a spider tattoo, since you're scared of them.
Fuaaad1994 31
You could scare a lot of people with it if it looks realistic enough!
marigoldcobain 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dude. If you freak out that much over a damn spider, you're too young to have a tattoo.
OysterPearls 33
Wow, I was unaware that having a valid phobia is equal to immaturity. Are adults supposed to be afraid of nothing?
redpanda39 10
I'm terrified of spiders, and I am a mature, rational adu- Oh wait.
marigoldcobain 21
Nobody ever said it was a phobia. If it were a phobia, they'd have mentioned it.
sturschaedel 27
I'm in my thirties and I'd still freak out if I thought there was a spider on me.
Thoricsteam20 24
How do you know what a donkey having a stroke sounds like.
be82tw 17
Experience.
bryce0110 23
You listen to Justin Bieber