Today, I got into a heated argument with my mother, during which she told me she wished she’d thrown herself down the stairs the minute she discovered she was pregnant. I told her, “There's the stairs, help yourself!” She called the police and told them I threatened to push her down the stairs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, I jokingly told my mother to "go fall down a hole" during a mock argument we always have. Not even 10 minutes later, our basement stairs gave out. When I said that, I didn't want her to break both her arms or to actually fall into a gaping hole. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML
Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML
Today, I went to my parents' house after escaping my abusive relationship. My mom scoffed and said, “This is what happens when you move out, barely graduated high school, with a bum.” When I told her I was 3 months pregnant, she said, “And a child out of wedlock? You’re a lost case!” and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Now that it's known that's one way you plan to knock off your mom, you're suspect #1 if she perishes that way. Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT Neckties, contracts, high voltage!!
Jesse Duff 15
I went through a similar thing a decade or two ago, she got so pissed off at me she tried to hit me, and I blocked the strike, told everyone in my family I raised my hand to her. took a few months to get it all straightened out, and to be honest, to this day, I don't trust her or them.
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Now that it's known that's one way you plan to knock off your mom, you're suspect #1 if she perishes that way. Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT Neckties, contracts, high voltage!!
Jesse Duff 15
I went through a similar thing a decade or two ago, she got so pissed off at me she tried to hit me, and I blocked the strike, told everyone in my family I raised my hand to her. took a few months to get it all straightened out, and to be honest, to this day, I don't trust her or them.
snegec 7
Out of all the great comebacks you pick the worst one. "A bit late for an abortion?" "So I wasn't planned?" "We could still try to push me back in.." "Let's hear that dad says about that." "Let's hear what family says about that." etc