Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my mother, during which she told me she wished she’d thrown herself down the stairs the minute she discovered she was pregnant. I told her, “There's the stairs, help yourself!” She called the police and told them I threatened to push her down the stairs. FML
Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML
Today, after feeling down due to another negative pregnancy test after my hubby and I have been trying for over a year, my mom insisted I come to a BBQ to "cheer me up." I get there and what do I see? Blue and pink balloons. My sister was announcing her pregnancy. My mom got pissed at me when I walked out. FML
Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML
Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML
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Top comments
bazookajoey 27
Obviously there was a way...
NotGabe 28
Retest. Pregnancy tests aren't 100% true to their results.
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Comments (187)
FlutterLoud 29
Op, do explain
liliyalee89 4
immaculate conception?
jwgl23 1
Immaculate conception doesn't mean a virgin birth. It means that Mary was born without original sin.
nitrog100 21
Never doubt someone with a track record. On multiple occasions, my mom has told her coworkers that they were pregnant before they even knew themselves.
fyaleg 13
What kind of witchcraft is this?
Britt125 16
If there's really no way you could be pregnant you should probably see a doctor, there may be another problem causing a false positive or there may be nothing and you can get cleared of other health concerns and a pregnancy and prove your mother wrong. Otherwise, I guess there was a way for you to be pregnant after all. Though who gets heartburn from being around a pregnant woman? That sounds like complete bullshit. I feel like she made up some dumbass excuse because she suspected it for other reasons. Then again it being such a dumbass excuse may actually be really genius just to get you to try to prove to her that it was just bullshit like it sounded.
tyra8972 8
The condom company owes you an apology letter
holyglamgrenade 16
That sounds like my mom
College_Grad 8
OP here! (posted this from a different computer and not on my account because I'm obviously an idiot) Don't worry though! I finished college about a month ago, have a full time and a part time job, also recently married to the father of the baby, and am setting up my new house so everything will be all waaayyyyy set up when the baby gets here. I'm only a couple months along. It's not a bad thing to be pregnant all the time! It was just a surprise to find out by being forced to take a test from your crazy mother! Sometimes, you think you're too busy to be slowed down by kids, but it can be exciting, too! I may not have intended to be a mother yet, but I think it will be a new adventure!
daemonsparta 16
i thought there was no way. ....
thesituations 1
Your mother is amazing.