Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
crimsonlover4 31
Wait, so they don't relocate them to Raccoon city? Damn that sucks OP!
JessalynVictoria 6
Don't wrestle raccoons. They could have rabies!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (54)
writerchic85 26
Why would it even bother you that he was in your yard? Animals belong outside. Your yard is outside. Relax and enjoy nature. If it was really bothering you get some repellant or something. You deserve this.
PuppiesKisses 19
Dumbest possible response ever. I hope this was at night... Their nocturnal and if it was in the day that's a sign of rabies. I was mauled by a cat once and if they can't test the animal you get shots for safety. If you really can't stand the raccoons coming in your yard here is a sure way to get them out; otherwise remember you probably have several that pass through your yard not just one. My mom decided it was a good idea to leave the cat food outside so I went to war. Use cyan pepper. Spread it as a thick boundary around your yard and be sure there is no way for them to climb over it. They HATE it and won't come back for awhile. If they come back just repeat.
lucasj23 11
raccoons are not filthy creatures.you sound like a real tool. leave the poor thing alone. it's not going to bother you.
randybryant799 21
First of all raccoons are not filthy. They're actually quite clean. And I'm completely confused as to why you couldn't just leave it alone. And where did you expect the people to take it? Raccoons are not a bother. You're actually being a bit ridiculous.