Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML
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Top comments
crimsonlover4 31
Wait, so they don't relocate them to Raccoon city? Damn that sucks OP!
JessalynVictoria 6
Don't wrestle raccoons. They could have rabies!!
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Comments (54)
Primmly 11
You definitely deserved that. :/ Why wouldn't you just let it go along with it's business? Raccoons live around people, if you can't handle that then move.
mosquito19 14
why don't you leave the animal alone
KiddNYC1O 22
I always see a bunch of them in my neighborhood at night. Weird that they reside in the city...
holyshitbatman 20
that's when you let it come back into your yard, and shoot it with a bb gun at close range
pandoraisme 14
You really should get rabies shots now
Metallica36176 16
Hell, the ones we have around here are huge and either you feed them, or they string your trash across your yard. We just feed them and I think theyre so cute! But yeah, I would go get some rabies shots though. And that's why you set traps, and find and nice place to let them loose.
LCplTacos 3
Shoot it bruh
hallow239 3
That's why you don't call you find a bush and release it....
jessughka 10
Should have called Turtleman. Yee-yee-yee-yee-yee!
AerBear115 15
Most of the time they let it go where it will be safe. Your front yard must be a safe place.