Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML
Today, I found a mouse in my kitchen. Wanting to go about it the humane way, I captured the little guy and released it outside. I then watched as a stray cat in my yard noticed and brutally murdered it. No good deed… FML
Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML
Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML
Today, a coyote turned up in the yard where my son and his friend were playing. It was aggressive and foaming at the mouth, so I called the boys inside, and shot it. Now my wife is scared of me and half the neighborhood wants me gone for "dangerous behavior." FML
Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML
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Top comments
Yimpish 15
Next time, call a professional
carsonator45 9
Don't piss them off!
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Comments (112)
hayshed 15
That's horrible!
ExtremeEncounter 32
North Carolina, go figure.
Sunshine56 17
I see it as normal though
awildwhisper 30
I think I'll stay in my neighborhood. O_O
LoZLink01 10
It all depends on where you live, they're abundant around here and they tear up insulation and wiring in houses. If they're left there to nest you'll just get twice the amount of tree rats destroying everything, so we just opt to shoot them. I do see how someone could say that's horrible though.
platnum42 8
It's only horrible if you cook them wrong.
Syruphs 17
what the **** !
UPTDraco 13
Yummy
carsonator45 9
Don't piss them off!
MaxiP 9
Did you at least get invited to the BBQ?
ryan9395 12
You should have just kept them there and got a dog. It would be an infinite source of fun for him!
COSaikou 7
....I seriously want to know "how?"
JPBlaze1301 7
Well from personal experience, my dogs have only once been able to kill a squirrel. It was a sick one that was probably never going to get better and would die anyways.
Death546 25
It was in their attic, not the backyard.
interesting33 37
That would not be a humane way of getting rid of the squirrels at all. That sounds barbaric.
laden_swallow09 35
"Barbaric"? That's nature. Get used to it.
BlackBoyFly 11
Wh... Where do you keep your dog...?
interesting33 37
Nature yes - so outside the dogs might do it, but to trap the squirrels somewhere so they can't get away and have the dog slowly pick them off - that seems wrong. Isn't it a cruel way of killing something?
Yimpish 15
Next time, call a professional
vikky538 29
So that they will be marinated good and served well?
tin_cup 27
He was the professional!
jrodjets 3
Why. People hunt and eat squirrels all the time. They're pretty good
WhiteMagickz 16
The problem with what the neighbor did is that he lied to OP about how he was going to deal with the squirrels. He said he was going to humanely remove them and relocate them, of which he did neither.
dada124 8
That must drive you nuts!
COSaikou 7
it would've driven me batty... okay, fine..I'll stop...just..so..damn..phunny. .. .
Jared900DUmpling 30
Squirrels arent bats...
brenton490 19
Unless it's a flying squirrel then it might as well be.
Mynamewontfi 40
Well, now you know who to avoid.
totallynotemily 25
Note to self: NEVER go to his house for dinner or any meal.
platnum42 8
They also absorb flavor really well. I cooked some recently with a pot that the night before made beef stew in and just wiped the pot down getting all the grime from the stew out of it, and they tasted amazing.