Today, my mother and aunt got into an argument about who had gotten groped more times in public. I don't know what's more disturbing, that my own mother would brag about getting groped, or that she won the argument, at 34 times. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML
Today, my drunk mom informed me that out of all my potential brothers and sisters she’s swallowed over the years she’s "glad" I’m the one she "accidentally drooled onto her crotch, swam up her fanny and invaded" her "virgin egg." This kind of shit is why I moved out at 16 and still have a therapist. FML
Today, my mother brought my sex life in front of an entire family gathering. I lost my virginity at 17 and when she found out she called me a whore. This time, she told the family I'd slept with 100 men by the time I was 18. I’m 40 and my body count is 10. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML
Today, my mother once again interrupted me and talked over me, as though I wasn't saying anything at all. Then she wondered why I remained quiet after she was done talking about her mother doing that. Must run in the family. FML
Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse, the fact that I now know that she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML
Today, a woman had a wardrobe malfunction right in front of me. As if that's not awkward enough, that woman was my own mother. FML
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
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Top comments
Bijaglo 3
That's pretty disturbing..
icyfire617 10
Today is also the day I'm staying inside. 0_o
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Comments (88)
Bijaglo 3
That's pretty disturbing..
genesisnirvana 11
OP should obviously join in the argument.Being groped a lot seems to run in the family.
Jimster1712 0
reminds me of rule 34 - anything that exists on the internet will have **** based on it..
Ugi 27
It's massively irresponsible to brag about such things. If you want to be touched up by strangers, fine - I'm sure you can find a group on the internet who can help. I'm not a woman but I think I can speak for the vast majority in saying that they would not want to be groped without invitation. I'm sure under most circumstances the OP's mother and aunt would be among them. However, you can't ask to be left alone and then claim bragging rights when you aren't. If you want people to respect what you say, you have to _always_ say what you mean. Doubly so where anything vaguely sexual is involved.
genesisnirvana 11
Fascinating paragraph.
SirObvious 1
I was her firstO.o
aFatFuck 0
OH RLLY, 34? I've been groped twice that in just one trip on the A train. Subways are a brutal place.
TheRealHouse 7
Were missing part of the story here people.. She lives near Boners.
tasidevil99 0
Whats groped mean
TheRealHouse 7
Ask boners, he will demonstrate, free of charge
Bobthedrunk 2
Maybe your mom walks the streets at night, who knows
imthatguythatdid 0
What about ur aunt OP? how many times did she get groped?
katt_is_here 24
Seriously #61, get out of here. You are too young and we shouldn't have to explain this shit to you. Go ask your mommy.
loserman67 36
Tell your mother that "self-groping" does not count. Sorry, but anyone who would be proud of the fact that they get felt up by strangers...................."shakes" serious douche chills
jayalexander 7
Not groping... they were graped by the grapist
imosim 0
Open wide kids!! Cause I'm ganna Grape you in the mouth!!!!
Andr913 13
I love how 2 has 34 thumbs up...
bribearr 6
I love how 72 has no thumbs up.
Andr913 13
I love how 74 has no thumbs up...
Aim4thebullseye 4
C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER
carolinabreathin 0
I'm really hoping they both look young and it wasn't old men doing it.
awesomeooo3 0
I'm just wondering why they were counting how many times they got groped, before.
genesisnirvana 11
Or maybe they're old, and it's young men doing it.
pieintheface 0
Maybe they should grope each other
InvaderAmi 4
...Incest?
shanie123 10
lol that's weird...I don't think I'd keep count of something like that.
pfx2_fml 15
Tell your mom its not cool to be a ***** these days
67Ravender 0
DAMNNNNNN
Wozuh 5
22- I agree with you for the most part, but keeping track and bragging is somewhat *****-ish.
pfx2_fml 15
Keeping count and being proud of it makes you a *****
alex6946 10
Pfx2- your comments are horrible! They make me hate you
Amrel 10
Yea i guess that makes sense
androiddestroya 7
pfx2 if the Nyan cat hates you then that's some serious shit :o
goingsolo211 8
Hey. Maybe you get your amazingly good looks from her :P
Saam143 0
Why would they count how many times in the first place?..
pfx2_fml 15
Tell your mom its not cool to be a ***** these days
Oxonian3 8
Hmm,I can now grope women to raise their self esteem ;)