Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I tried to pet what I thought was a cute cat under my porch. As it turned out, it was actually a raccoon. It hissed at me, and I screamed so loud that my neighbors came running. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML
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Top comments
crimsonlover4 31
Wait, so they don't relocate them to Raccoon city? Damn that sucks OP!
JessalynVictoria 6
Don't wrestle raccoons. They could have rabies!!
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Comments (54)
Brainnnnz 19
The raccoon was released in your front yard thanks to animal rights laws and activists preventing animal control from removing the animal from your property.
texas_redneck88 10
Just shoot the damn thing. Yes I'm sure that my comment will get down voted, but I really don't give a ******' shit if anybody doesn't like my comment
RentaName 15
Get a trap and release it yourself. The traps are very effective and easy to use.
fruitpunched_ 0
Dude it's a raccoon, chill out. If you don't want animals near your house, move to the city. Oh wait, then there are rats, cockroaches... oh yeah, animals are everywhere. Quit your bitching. I don't even understand why you called animal control anyway if you had already trapped it yourself.
SeeNote 1
Release the hounds! ;)
Urpoppy 21
And you're an idiot for handling a wild animal.
Rianokami 22
.... And you haven't gone to the hospital to get rabies shots?
wvcheesehead 13
How small is your house if your back yard is only 10 feet from your front yard?
sierra142 19
Does a yard not start where the house ends? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding?
badmike89 6
Op You're retarded why would you try and catch it I hope it remembers you next time
etoilenuit 15
Why couldn't you just leave it? Raccoons come and go in my backyard all the time. He got in, he can get out...