me.
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Quick thinking
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Irving, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Hard in flip flops
🌶️ Spicy
Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML
Fraser
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Play it cool
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
jesus christ, dad
Manchester, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Knock first
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
jack s.b.
Austin, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
ifeeldirty
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Parental advice
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML
GoldenTornado11
🌶️ Spicy
Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML
Anonymous
Cincinnati, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Excuse me
Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
But… no! I wasn't!
Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML
Top comments
BlacOpsMaximus 5
Dad: Must have been one hell of an itch Offspring: Yes, it kinda was... O.o Dad: Umm why are there stains on your shorts, & wtf is that smell?? ..
jf7609 0
LOL, classic!
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Comments (163)
perdix 31
The correct excuse is: "I'm male."
puppydog 12
Aww.. then what am I suppose to say??
perdix 31
"Yeast infection" Actually, anything you would say to a man would be OK, since we don't know what the **** goes on down there anyway. We'd have no idea whether you were playing with your pussy for pleasure or whether you were exercising it or adjusting it.
Zaros_fml 24
I had an itch... So I stroked it.
klovemachine 24
that's a good one
mrbuckeye 2
Anyone realize it could be a female? In which case "an itch" may have appeared more reasonable
MarieBooLovesYou 4
Uhh..try locking the door?
I_lost_the_game 25
Not all doors have locks!
Akers_L7 8
Just wondering, is op a guy or girl?
xxdudexxmwo 0
that sucks but umm ya use the bathroom
Mayjay122 7
Soo you had an itch that was so bad you could'nt scratch it without your pants around you ankles?..... Uh huh likely story bro...
Savra_fml 17
I'm sure it's tha same kid who wasn't putting any "back into it". Your father does this deliberately because he knows you fool around in your spare time. Lock your doors, wanker.
Liimitless 6
You should have just put a sock over it like in American pie
Savra_fml 17
Yep. That's what I would have done. There is no better way to cover the fact that you are jerking off than hiding your dick in a sock!
JinxosGirl87 0
Girl masturbation resembles scratching more so than the male stroking motion. So, I'm assuming OP is a female.