Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
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Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
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Comments (194)
Caldwell94 0
she'll send him to counseling and the counselor will give him a doll and say "now show me where you touched yourself"
lovelylilly 0
your wife needs to pull her head out of the sand and face the real world....
Tag2Ignite 0
dude trying to picture obama whacking one one off is kind of disturbing, now that you mention it.
BigMonkey34 0
i was getting ready to loosen my goose right now too
awkwardturtle101 0
Divorce her right ******* now.
ChefBoy6382 0
divorce her, SHE IS A MORON!!!!!!!!!
AriesPrincess91 0
lol. im so srry but its just funny. that really wasn't what she wanted to hear u, know. LOL she probably didn't even mean it and it was just an overreaction, if she really thinks something was wrong with you, she would've left u by now
misschristineeee 0
ok seriously everyone who says everyone does it. shut up. im 16 AND CATHOLIC and i know for a fact not everyone does it. it is natural- but for the poeple who are like "yeahh i do it like 5+ times a day", you must have nothing to do in life. cuz some people dont NEED it on a regular basis. dont get me wrong for some people its normal, but you dont NEED to do it.
Maxine17 8
...She sounds fun to live with.
Calaura9 0
I didn't ********** until I was 19 with a vibrator... I didn't know that women could really ******. I thought it was made up until I had one and I haven't stopped since. But if I was a part of the masturbation study before 19 I would have never touched myself.
misschristineeee 0
ok seriously everyone who says everyone does it. shut up. im 16 AND CATHOLIC and i know for a fact not everyone does it. it is natural- but for the poeple who are like "yeahh i do it like 5+ times a day", you must have nothing to do in life. cuz some people dont NEED it on a regular basis. dont get me wrong for some people its normal, but you dont NEED to do it. and i have NEVER done it and odnt want to.
Tiefling_Tasha 0
Maybe if you did you'd lighten the **** up. ;P
zee209 0
What does being catholic have to do with it?! Catholic people ********** too!
jaybirdka 0
loosen up and enjoy life you wench. god won't care because there is no god....
dramakat11 0
I get frequent urges...I don't need it to survive but I pretty much can't resist. Life is so much more enjoyable with a high libido! You should get revved up. HELL YEAH I've got nothing better to do with my evenings than have really hot sex with my bf and ********** a couple times...not because I have no life but because nothing is better!!!
UncleverName_FYL 0
If your a guy it is a must, i have yet to find a 18 year old male who doesn't.
Chfanfiction 0
*waves* Hi. I may not be 18 yet, but I'm 15 and at an age to make this decision: I never plan to. As to why, read my other posts.