Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
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Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
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Comments (194)
seayjoel 0
I think like 90% of teenage guys ********** I did it when I was that age. So yeah she's overreacting
JadeyVengeance 0
EVERYONE has masturbated. Fetuses **********.
xpikoalax 0
Ew, your wife is crazy, get a husband problem solved lol
PlasticPopsicle 0
Am I the only one seeing a bit of a lack of logic here? She freaks over masturbation, but she had sex with the OP in order to have a son. Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black to me. HOWEVER, if all he does is jack off/watch **** all day, then she was in the right because addictions are tough to break.
rustyrox 0
your wife needs counciling
visage 0
I'd seriously buy her a ***** for her bday, or whatever holiday she has next. Play it off as a gag if she gets super pissed, but she MAY give it a try when no one is home!
jz4 0
send him to counselling WTF
TheDefender_fml 0
and whats wrong with masturbating?
n42nate 0
So? I started watching **** when I was 8. That is something to worry about.
bbobe900000 0
send HER to counseling.