Sex, Wanker Intimacy Prissy

Prissy

Anonymous - 29/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

The birds and the bees

Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

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Stop talking!

Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

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Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

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Sex Ed is broken

asnolt - 24/05/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

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Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

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oldskoolfun - 26/12/2015 23:04 - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

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Play it cool

Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

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anonymousyo - 24/04/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

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Nobody - 27/11/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

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sportmaster525 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:11

wow that is one super conservative wife

blah123blah 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:11

LOL! Its kinda natural...

seayjoel 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 18:15

I think like 90% of teenage guys ********** I did it when I was that age. So yeah she's overreacting

JadeyVengeance 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 20:49

EVERYONE has masturbated. Fetuses **********.

xpikoalax 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 21:23

Ew, your wife is crazy, get a husband problem solved lol

PlasticPopsicle 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 23:00

Am I the only one seeing a bit of a lack of logic here? She freaks over masturbation, but she had sex with the OP in order to have a son. Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black to me. HOWEVER, if all he does is jack off/watch **** all day, then she was in the right because addictions are tough to break.

rustyrox 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 23:11

your wife needs counciling

visage 0

Friday 31 July 2009 15:26

I'd seriously buy her a ***** for her bday, or whatever holiday she has next. Play it off as a gag if she gets super pissed, but she MAY give it a try when no one is home!