Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
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Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
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Comments (194)
dramakat11 0
Wow, what a ******* dumb bitch. How could you be married to such a frigid DUMB bitch dude? Masturbating is extremely healthy and one of the greatest pleasures one can get out of life. I can't think of one thing that is wrong with it. It doesn't even come with the risk of STDs, unwanted pregnancy, or heartbreak like sex does...She's a horrible mother. YDI for marrying such a stupid ****.
sandra143 0
your sex life must really suck if she thinks masturbation is bad. wth does she think of other sexual activities then?
jaybirdka 0
I bet nothing but missionary style for them.....poor bastard.
dramakat11 0
Yeah, EVERYONE should **********. Even if you're having a lot of sex you should. I love sex with my bf but I could never give up masturbating. I do it everyday
mike28_fml 0
Ummm.....EVERY-******-ONE masturbates. FACT. When your a teen, its just a boom time.
thelovelykira 0
Thats a little....extreme >.> ALMOST everyone masturbates. I'm sure some people dont. But the mass majority do, its normal and to be honest, i think it relives stress and makes me feel better >.> Plus, i noticed a comment earlier about how guys openly talk about jacking off, yet girls are all...conservative like "Oh god, i would never do thatttt" That is weird...I dont understand why its any different but whatever o.o
justanotherhuman 21
Dear OP, This is so wonderfully ironic I don't know where to begin. The sobbing when faced with the prospect of her child turning out like the man she chose to marry, and in theory should love? The fear regarding stunted emotional development being expressed through *uncontrollable crying*? I feel like I should have a laser pointer or something of the sort. Just to clarify to those that may harbor any confusion: There is nothing wrong with masturbation. Sorry. FYL to the Nth degree.
hogermite 0
masturbating.....helping fat people get off for centuries.... also, if you spell it "masterbating" we're going to have to revoke your self-gratification priveliges for life.
salsera13 7
This from someone who can't even spell privileges?
israelnotjacob 20
Even though this lady is being a bit extreme, just because she disagrees with masturbation doesn't make her stupid. And for those of you who say everyone does it, you have no idea what you're talking about. It's just so normal for you that you can't even fathom others wouldn't feel the same. Yeah basically everyone has tried it at some point, but that doesn't mean everyone does it frequently. If you think it's not possible then you're living in a closed box. I admit that right now I do it pretty frequently, but before about 6 months or so ago I had never done it beyond just a little messing around, not even close to ******. Yeah those who don't are a minority, but they do exist.
metallica846 0
wow...slight over reaction? your life is f***** for marrying someone like that
RMyfanwy 0
She would have a field day with this place...