Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (194)
xSceneSceneBabyx 0
OOO! you're gonna need some ice for that burn! haha, I couldn't help but laugh at this! yet I feel sorry for you
maximumoverdrive 0
unless he's under 10 years old (10-12 is pushing it) masturbation is completely normal, especially for a guy.
airplanefood 0
She is crazy, but she isn't a hypocrite. I'm sure she never masturbated as a teen, and so she's just ignorant and thinks it's normal not to. I don't think she's to blame, that's just how she was raised - just make her realize that ALL teenage boys do it (even someone like Obama). Plenty of my girlfriends have never masturbated as teens so don't flame her for being some sort of psychopath, it's normal both to ********** and to not **********. Though, FYL and your son's if she's actually going to try to send him to counseling. Actually, where is she even going to find a therapist that believes masturbation is some product of a mental disorder?
Ashleydiane 0
everyone should ********** it's normal!
live_your_life_fml 0
ouchh. nice wife.
FlaminYawn 0
I've been jackin off since I was 4, I even wrote a ditty about it..Been jackin off since I was 4 years old, and when you jack off gettin off is your only goal so, I would do it just as fast as I can, and my friends that how I became a one minute man!
Weil 0
#167 will be the one minute man in bed too. I feel sorry for his future girlfriends. lol ****** premie.
Tag2Ignite 0
what the ****? how do you get a damn boner at 4 years old?
DameGreyWulf 1
Even babies can get erections. Ejaculation, though, doesn't happen until puberty, if I remember correctly.
Finnboghi 0
Actually both girls and boys can ejaculate at any age, there just isn't any sperm in a pre-pubescent boy's semen. I'm curious how you got a son if your wife has such a warped view of sex, to be honest.
DameGreyWulf 1
Oh, right, my bad lol
Sanrio90 8
Dump the crazy bitch.
lky830 0
FYL for having a hysterical wife. She should look at it this way: he can't get his hand pregnant.
hossgray 0
YOUR WIFE IS A DOUCHE!!!
LadyAlathia 0
Wow. YLIF, definitely. Did you know she was insane when you married her, or is this a recent development?