Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
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Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
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Comments (194)
sadistmonkey 19
man...I'm surprised no troll has yet said "ydi for masturbating"
FaithX 0
Something tells me hardcore religious plays into this somewhere. Unless, of course, it's fake. My bet's on one of the two.
phuphighter 0
Hilarious.
Chfanfiction 0
I don't! Read my post!
salsera13 7
Kid really, shut up. We've heard your opinion multiple times now and while we can respect it (however strange) we do not want to hear it a hundred ******* times. K thanks.
GrimReaper973 0
She was probably crying because you masturbated when you were younger not because your son is gonna turn out like you. P.S your wife needs to get counseling
McLaughlane 0
118 has it, your wife is the one who needs counseling. Masturbating is perfectly normal, so tell her to stop whining. :/
aback 5
Good lord. What a sheltered little bint.
Hurleygal 0
LOL ya right sex is made to share with a loved one not ur hand or ur freakin doll wat u go around sayin o im gonna do someone tonite other person says who ar u gonna do u say barbie....shes one sexy doll ewwww masturbatin is the most ****** up thing in the world
bethaneybailey 0
...wtf?
KarelPhoenix 0
I agree... What the hell?
zcalo 0
troll. duh.
fuckmylifedude 0
yeah um i didnt understand a word you just said.
midwestjerk 0
Jesus ******* Christ, reading your post made my eyes bleed. I'm fairly sure you're a troll, but I'm still gonna go ahead and say that snotty women like you deserve to have their clit sliced off.
lovexcheer33 0
i doubt that she has a ****** then.
bexox 0
*shudders* thank you very much #180 for reminding me of female circumcision. :(
FHGrif 0
Wow. That sucks.
Hurleygal 0
ya counsuling is not the way to go i think counsuling is for dipshits its for parents who spend there time reading about good parenting then giving good parenting i think she just wants to put someone in counsuling ya her face is buried in the how to raise ur kids for phsyco bitch moms lol