Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Top comments
capnbzarr 43
I think this is your cue to break up with the crazy alcoholic.
coducks 5
Call a cab?
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Comments (59)
coducks 5
Call a cab?
Welshite 40
NEVER! Calling a cab is the easy way out. We as humans must demonstrate barbarian-like stamina and conquer nature. If I have to walk three hours to prove myself, by God, I will!
newbiehere99 6
Cab drivers creep me out. I'd rather walk the 3 hours.
krewer21 1
Oh blah blah blah. Intelligent albeit drunk as shit people know how to dial a cab. Only dumb as ****, simple as shit, less than the "Nermal" 100's in the world would forgo a call for help.
evamusical 12
In the netherlands no one calls a cab, because they're really expensive here and the dutch are pretty cheap. So i guess OP didn't even think about it, we're not used to it...
elidine 0
Typical of a prostie.
yeti37 16
it was really only a 5k walk home but he was so drunk it took him three hours.
horseridermc 2
Whaaaaa????
MDTeddy 13
Taxis are expensive. That is a bad idea.
WeAreAHurricane 14
The first time I read this I got "I clobbered my girlfriend".
capnbzarr 43
I think this is your cue to break up with the crazy alcoholic.
coducks 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She's drunk.. If you break up with someone cause of that, you have a problem
RedPillSucks 33
Being drunk is no excuse for bad/stupid behavior
phantumgrey 6
#5 screw that. She can't handle her liqueur and sent you walking home it's over and maybe she'll think before she get belligerent next time. I wouldn't put up with that ever.
coducks 5
So you are telling me, even if you had a great girlfriend, extremely nice, caring, loyal, intelligent, great family, good looking, but she got drunk one time (can't say it's been more since op never said she was an alcoholic), you would break up with her over this?
phantumgrey 6
Yes because I am that shallow. I don't put up with anything. That's why my wife never fights with me and I don't fight with her. We are past the child stage in life.
ebonyirony 29
fighting doesn't mean you're in a child stage. arguments are necessary. If neither of you discuss things then how can you maintain anything?
unknown_user5566 27
33- Arguments aren't necessary, but discussions are. Most topics of conversation between a husband and wife (or girlfriend and boyfriend) shouldn't cross the line and turn into an argument.
ebonyirony 29
you can argue without it being a fight.
ebonyirony 29
an argument is simply when your views differ and you debate it.
lilhellian 27
Argueing is fighting.
capnbzarr 43
@29, yes--if she got drunk and threw me out for something that 1) she did herself; and 2) even if I had done it, it's not that big of a deal--I would end that relationship. Your premise is false, because a person who is "extremely nice", "caring" and "intelligent" would not do what the OP's girlfriend did.
higgabucker 0
Does anyone else find it ironic that everyone is arguing about 'arguing'?
SoylentCandycorn 10
If you're that drunk that you throw your boyfriend/girlfriend out for not cleaning up your puke at 4 in the morning, then you have a problem.
Jaxx66 21
46- no its not 'fighting' My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years and we have NEVER once gotten into a fight or yelled, or argued. I like to see it as a 'debate' or a 'compramise' I don't like that he's doing something or the way it's done (or the other way around) and we talk about it, and I either end up understanding his reason for doing things that way, or we figure a way we can both be happy. Example of compromise, he dislikes horror movies and I very much dislike his Troy/knights of the round table type movies. It doesn't take an argument to figure out of you are willing to either watch it alone or do it together, and have him/her support you. Relationships are about compromise and support.
rastlosen 1
Well said!
Chanti_fml 26
I think you mean ex-girlfriend by now?
crimsonprodigy 15
It's OP's fault for not saying anything, a gf isn't a maid what kind of idiot would just wait for his girl to do the work? *facepalm*
thatonename 7
You do know OP's gf puked, not him, right? Either you're a little off or I missed something here.
crimsonprodigy 15
Doesn't mean you act useless and do nothing but stare, then not say anything when you are blamed for it. Pathetic.
sens3sfailing 25
So it's pathetic he isn't confrontational? Riiiiiiight. When it's someone else's puke, it's not common to clean it up for them, it's their puke, their fault, their responsibility. If you are that close then cleaning up their puke would be fine, it's just not common or hygenic
listo351 1
You sound like his girlfriend?
FML_Whale 18
I don't see a reason for dumping her though. Honestly, she was drunk off her ass (I'm assuming). Maybe if this happened when she was sober and this happened more than once.
annihil8or 15
Doesn't mean you CAN'T do that either if you really wanna get into all the hypotheticals
Metallica36176 16
27- What the ****? Did you just completely disregard this FML what? I don't know where the hell to start with your bullshit...
YeaSo3 14
True you right...Like he could have put some paper towels over it or something... & he shouldnt have left either anything could have happen to him at that time of night ...shoulda sent her drunk'n ass to bed and them cleaned up and went to bed too..he's dumb!
TrueTriage 16
Gotta love how sometimes people may be in one area and their mind is somewhere a few miles away Especially when drunk.
manlaw1 3
Bitches be crazy.
damn_homie 2
I don't think you should've left. Maybe try to make her listen.
shifted 5
Why leave, she would probably forget that she kicked op out.
hunteer9 5
Well the cold night air is great for clearing ones head after a good night partying it up.
lilmisslovely13 15
I can only imagine how wasted she was that she doesnt even remember puking minutes before
windfuelsfire 10
Hey! You get to see the sunrise! " and sing "I'm walking on sunshine, whoaaa-oh!" non-stop. Makes the situation more bearable, albeit barely
Bakarra 22
Should have manned up and talked her down so you could spend the night
KiddNYC1O 22
Sometimes it's not worth arguing with a stubborn person.