Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML
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Top comments
friedpwnadge 25
Your husband is awesome.
davincidasecond 24
Well, he IS giving decent advice ... I mean if he's gonna do it, he's gotta do it right.
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Comments (179)
HeadlessSparrow 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I think you should have a talk with your husband.
rwfrog 11
1, our?
HeadlessSparrow 20
Edited to say "your."
slickchrome 11
*comment goes here*
hemz_fml 13
You should have the talk with him, it will make him feel uncomfortable and then he'll think about the talk every time he's active and he will think twice.
RoboCunnilingus 23
"Honey, take your own advice."
Raykyogrou03 12
Why, it seems like pretty great advice to me.
LeFrogDog 27
*takes notes
strike2867 13
Are you saying he's wrong?
mn_shr 22
Your husband is awesome! Nothing wrong with learning it the right way early on.
deepunder 17
Try talking to your son yourself. And is the dad really wrong? Where u hoping for him to tell your son" never have sex unless u want a baby because pleasure is bad for you"?
angelitared 27
You should chime in "rap it before you tap it" he is going to do no matter what the "talk" is about!!
gmian 34
Don't be silly, protect your willy :)
carleybeak 21
Don't be a loner, cover your boner
Roskosity 22
Lick it before you stick it.
Megan98 18
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker!
mikeymayhem_87 15
Don't be a fool... Wrap your tool!!
WhisperSoflty 20
Wrap it in latex or she's gonna get your paychecks.
EMTchic 14
Don't be a dummy, cum on her tummy!
BauerMegan 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow. You ALL missed her typo. WRAP not rap.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
When you tap, spray the back.
Stormdriven37 6
Be smart in bed, cover the head.
Catkam623 27
My parents always told me - sex can wait, **********
Axipiter 24
Don't be a moron, flush that come down the john! (Sorry, I tried making up my own...)
kemnet 7
Put it in plastic...before you attack it
KeannaLove 32
No glove no love!
brookieh 12
don't let your affection give you an infection. put some protection on that erection.
TheAbstract 15
Wrap your wanger before you bang her!
RoboCunnilingus 23
For a better tomorrow, tell her to swallow.
insainpyro 13
wrap it in a bag before you shag.
Giuls 17
Cover your stump before you hump!
bluehero 17
Wrap your wang before you bang
ArielTheMermaid 17
Don't be a nut, stick it up the butt!
riddenhopes 13
Can't go wrong, when you cover your slong
kamikrazy 6
Penis.
gmian 34
53- no, we didn't. we just didn't want to look like asses.
BauerMegan 31
:/ the FML community is the essence of harshness.
theworldismad 10
53- you were the harsh one wrap your dick, STD's will make you sick
LiterOfCola 16
Shield your peepee, and I hate you #53
lordslaya53 14
Favouriting this FML for future reference to all of these lines
BauerMegan 31
Ugh. Annoying.
gotaplanstan 28
Give her a surprise, pull out and cum in her eyes!
Capriccio22 13
If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey Bag your mole then do her hole Armour the tank before you enter the flank Leash your pet before launching your jet Wrap it in plastic, it'll be fantastic. I could go on
Jiinxx 8
"safe sex is great sex. better wear a latex, cause you don't want that late text, that 'I think I'm late' text." - lil wayne
MOLLMcAWESOME 11
Wrap your pecker before you deck her
jrk922 1
armor the tank before you attack the flank
friedpwnadge 25
Your husband is awesome.
Pesticides 19
yeah, at least he is giving helpful tips.
ZingZilla 8
That's the kind of advice guys should be given ! As long as he threw in a little don't be silly, wrap it too that's the best talk ever.
Brayson 12
I suppose that it depends on how old he is. My father was was sort of the same way, but he also talked about the risks.
sofineedsaladder 10
Wrap the stump before you hump!
_delusions_ 15
Even if its a quicky, wrap that sticky.
B5B0N35 18
And how old is he??
Miq999 5
What is the point in asking? You aren't going to get a reply.
annie_nk 23
If he asks "What's a clit?", he's most likely too young.
chosha_fml 27
I don't know about that. Plenty of older guys seem to not know what a clit is. Or a g-spot for that matter.
davincidasecond 24
Well, he IS giving decent advice ... I mean if he's gonna do it, he's gotta do it right.
brackaman 18
It could've been worse. He could've been troll dad and given him intentionally bad advice to make him so bad in bed that the girl wouldn't want to sleep with him anymore.
AngrySailor 17
Lol I was there when a friend gave his son the "man in the boat" speech. He turned out just fine. Male bonding at its finest!
Cheeley 17
Your name makes this comment that much better.
OhDearBetrayal 25
13- Your picture makes it even better.
Donnie_Murray 8
how old is your child?
Pesticides 19
Does it matter? maybe there could be a new show !
brebabee793 13
how old is this kid? that's the big question. he is probably old enough to know the basics (which all kids learn from school or in some way) so maybe this was best advice for him. MEN!
gloooooria 14
Some way? Is that hoping that the kiddos learn it from somewhere? Maybe that's why teen pregnancy is high. As a parent, one of the responsibilities is teaching your children about sex and safe sex and all in between. You can't just hope while being a parent.
kitten1323 19
26, Uh, I don't really think he/she was hoping. Just making an observation. Unbunch your panties
jem970 19
I thought that was the g-spot? I wouldn't think that would be hard to miss, I mean it is outside the body and all.
EvilUndead 9
#26, If the kid has a brain and internet access, it would mean he learned a LOT about sex somewhere around age of 12 and you didn't know about that. If his "activity" results in teen pregnancy, he has no brain. #59, I really hope you're trolling or joking. If there are many guys that think the same way, they're all screwed.
jem970 19
The clit, not the g-spot. I wouldn't think a guy would have a hard time locating a clit. If they do then they are in trouble. Sex ed covers that much at least. Sorry, I wrote my previous post poorly.
imessedwithtexas 13
Kids learning sex ed from other kids in school is the reason for the staggering teen pregnancy rate.
EvilUndead 9
88, it looks like you think that we still live in 20th century. Time has changed. Kids don't need to ask other kids about sex. They can open any browser and search for answers. 13..15 years ago it wasn't possible. Now any idiot can do it.
brebabee793 13
I did not mean that the talk wasn't needed. all I meant was that it may already be known especially since he is already active. and even in today's society you can express the importance of protection, but that doesn't mean every kid will listen. so maybe the dad was aware his child is smart enough to be responsible so he turned it into a joke.