Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
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Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
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Comments (194)
mammygammy 0
dude, f your kid's life, that sucks for him... and tell your wife "ydi" cause it's common knowledge that masturbation is the safest form of sex and that sexual release is required for most people's healthy growing. I'm sure you can find proof online, if she's the type to listed to concrete evidence.
jessiana7 0
I wouldn't do that crap. I'm a girl and I have nothing against it, I just wouldn't do it. Your wife is a crazy lady, SHE is the one that needs counseling. Lot's of people do that crap, it's not just her son. If everyone that did that went to counseling, couselors would be making some major $.
whiskeyloverrrr 0
your wife is PSYCHO.
Nakedsquirrel 5
Counseling for masturbation?? What the **** were you thinking when you married her, dude? Did she not raise ANY red flags? Jesus christ.
SarlaccBits 0
Masturbating is perfectly normal for everyone. Everyone does it. There is nothing wrong with your son… however, you two will probably end up screwing him all up anyhow with your talk of him masturbating meaning something is wrong with him.
305alive 0
your wife is a dumb bitch. wacking every here and their is fine. ur wife is just a stupid, phsyco *****. fyl for marring the dumb ****
fuckthiscity 0
your wife is a ******* psycho.
alliemi 0
Wait a second. The counselor probably masturbates. Has anyone ever read "Running with Scissors"? The psychiatrist has a Masturbatorium!
Lissa_fml 0
oh my god, yes, best book everrrr!!!!
starburst_boy 0
She thought masturbation warranted counseling? Seriously? How did you wind up married to this person, exactly? Masturbation lowers the risk of prostate cancer and is completely normal...
Nightfallz 0
counseling for masterbating? WTF is wrong with her? what a bitch