Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML
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Top comments
sportmaster525 0
wow that is one super conservative wife
blah123blah 0
LOL! Its kinda natural...
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Comments (194)
fxdxhk90 0
Your wife is retarded, there's nothing wrong with jacking off. Either she is a religious nut job, or she is bat shit insane.
zee209 0
Everyone fighting over 'everyone masterbates' is funny. It doesn't really matter who does it/who doesn't. It doesn't matter what percent does it, what percent does it. All that really matters is that it's very normal to **********.
namelessfew 0
WTF is wrong with your wife? I'd take my kid to a counselor if they weren't getting themselves off. We're mammals, we need to get off.
eliz3 0
I think your wife is the one that needs help.
eliz3 0
.
tenkenshi 2
That kid is gonna need therapy too after he gets sent to counseling for masturbating.
Rota 0
Divorce that bitch.
anonymous567 1
get your wife help, seriously. FYL
cocky 0
your wife is ******* insane. let me guess.. she's a ******* christian?
Hummingbird114 0
Hey, not all us Christians are psycho. I happen to be among the ones that think masturbation is perfectly natural and normal. Though you do have a point... I have never understood why it makes sense for Christians to preach about not having sex prior to marriage and then also complain when their kids **********. So what, do you expect them to just not have a sex drive at all and act like good little robots? *facepalm* ...sorry, minor rant there. But yeah, I'm a Christian, and I think it's ok. So maybe we can avoid generalizations for a while? There's always an exception to every rule.
Gefangene 0
Yea, I agree, not every religious person thinks that it is a sin, or whatever. I have a best friend who is a very faith-based christian, and I tell her all of my sex stories, lol. I think that the woman was just a little shocked by catching her "baby-boy" touching himself, and that's prolly why she started cryin. Or maybe she doesnt like her husband that much....lol. Either way, let's stop attacking all the religious ppl on here k? And I'm not like trying to defend them cause I am one, I'm an atheist. I just don't think its fair to assume she went crazy cause she's religious.
dramakat11 0
It's definitely not fair to assume that all religious people are that way but I think it's fair to assume that it's likely that this woman has gotten the idea that masturbation is wrong from religion or at least puritanical teachings stemming from religion. There is a lot of illogical, dumb bullshit in the Bible or taught by religious leaders that almost no one would believe if it weren't for religion.
emmazing_x 0
uhm, isn't that healthy?